A moral issue

[Mael Coluim]

Kyle,
You are not crazy. Maintain your convictions. The world is in a sorry state and you are a ray of light in a dark landscape.

[Abax]

The question I’m posting isn’t whether or not to let Kate do the show*; it’s about how readily people are willing to lie to friends and co-workers about such things.

Do I stand too firm on my moral high ground?

I think your objection to lying in this case is appropriate. Lying is all around us, but I think people can make poor choices about when it is appropriate.

Sometimes it is appropriate to tell lies in social situations, such as when a complete stranger says "How are you?" and you'd rather not explain that your dog just died. I think most people would see this as an inconsequential lie.

As a court observer, I have witnessed the legal system construct an elaborate pretense in the interest of fairness. Both prosecution and the defense know a lie may be the basis of a vigorous defense. But we hold the benefits of presumed innocence to be worth the inconvenience of the pretense. If you're involved in law enforcement, you know it's legal for a cop to lie to someone in the course of an investigation - and that any evidence you obtain this way won't be barred simply because it was obtained through deception.

The last example I offer is the parent defending their child. I have detained children involved in inappropriate or illegal behavior until their parents arrive. The parents universally launch into a full-blown denial that their child could have done anything wrong. They know they're probably lying, but feel duty-bound to protect their child from the accusation of a stranger. They're also very embarrassed to have been caught lying when I confront them with incontrovertible evidence of their child's wrong-doing.

I recognized the first two examples as a young child (I asked lots of questions and my dad was a cop). But for the third example, I cannot ever recall my parents defending me when they didn't know or I didn't deserve it. As a child, it was just the opposite - I thought they would presume me guilty until proven innocent. I don't think children are being raised that way anymore. That's odd to me, because they are being raised by people my age who presumably had an upbringing similar to mine.

Something has changed. Maybe it's the fact that we are a more litigious society than when I was a kid. Every misbehaving kid I run into seems to be a lawyer, threatening me with legal action while I detain them for their parents. When I was a kid, I would have been mortified to be detained by an adult and I certainly wouldn't have shown the disrespect to an adult that I see very young children act out today.

I can only guess that some people do not understand that a pretense in court is not the same as lying about whether or not you broke a window or how you selected a cast member for your improv. No - that's not exactly right. They understand that the situations are different, but they have to come to feel that lying is justified now, when it might not have been before. Perhaps a feeling of entitlement leads them to excuse themselves from their own standards.

I close by saying that I think normal people absolutely know right from wrong. To a great extent, I think what people believe is right and wrong is even similar across cultures. It doesn't take a great philosophical argument for most people around the world to know that killing or stealing or lying is wrong. But how people justify bending the rules or giving themselves a break reveals their judgement and character. Act as who you are and the way you want to be known.

Abax

[Raptor]

You made a judgement call on how best to satisfy a commitment, and even better, you did it without selling out your principles. The only people likely to ask if Kate attended rehearsals are the ones who dropped out & let you down anyway, & I'd say that they've forfeited their right to an opinion on the subject. Me personally? My word is my bond, & my principles mean everything to me.

[TheSp8]

If you are the one in the position of responsibility then the decision is yours and others are really owed no explanation. You made a decision to enable your group to meet their obligations. If someone asks the why, then you can answer or not as you choose. Those of your group that counseled you to lie are wrong! As has been pointed out, all we have in the end is ourselves and our reputation. A lie will always be found out and that will destroy any trust in your word. Once lost, that trust is hard to regain. That is why their suggestion bothered you and well it did. Rest easy knowing your integrity is intact and try to forgive the poor judgement of the others.

YMOS,
Tony