Etiquette Help

[Tobus]

Perhaps it's because if I am invited to an event people know me well enough and are not surprised that I am wearing a kilt. Therefore, no stolen show.

That's another point to consider. How well you know the hosts. Given the same crowd and locale, it might be different going kilted to a wedding that's your best friend as opposed to going kilted as someone's date when you don't even know the bride and groom.

[fluter]

... I would have issues with the bride who said that all guests must wear kilts.

She didn't say that: just that pants were forbidden! Not that I don't agree with your premise, but we don't know the male guests and their wardrobes.

[CMcG]

If in doubt, ask whomever invited you to the wedding.

I went to three weddings kilted this summer with some interesting reactions.

1) A co-worker of Trinidadian/East Indian-by-way-of-Toronto extraction married an Australian lad of English origins. The bride was excited when I told her of my plan to wear a kilt and attendees at the wedding also seemed pleased. The entire wedding party (groom and groomsmen included) wore traditional Indian garb as did a majority of the guests. I had several people come over and strike up conversations on the importance of maintaining traditions!

2) An Italian-American friend from New York asked me to be in his wedding party and to wear a kilt. To match the rest of the groomsmen (who wore tuxes), I wore the same vest, bowtie, and shoes, as well as a black Argyll jacket because it was more similar to their jackets than a Prince Charlie. My Grant tartan tank and horsehair sporran certainly stood out and both the mothers of bride and groom expressed their displeasure at the rehearsel It was a request from the groom (which the Italian-American bride encouraged) so I went kilted to the actual wedding anyway.

3) An Italian-Canadian friend married a Nova Scotian girl in Halifax and I expressed my desire to go kilted. They both encouraged it and the groom was so excited about the idea that he wanted to wear one too. The bride said it was fine for me but certainly not for him and the groom's mother echoed that sentiment. I went kilted but unfortunately he wasn't allowed to and I was surprised that at a Nova Scotian wedding, I was the only one wearing the kilt. His little old Italian grandmothers made a bee-line for me after the ceremony to ask "The Question" though, and told me the kilt was very sexy

[Scotland Forever]

Weddings are perhaps one of the remaining bits of civilization where etiquette is paramount.
I agree with all the sentiments of asking the Bride/Groom/Hosts/Who's paying for the wedding.
I disagree with not asking/who cares/I-wear-my-kilt-everywhere-so-I-expect-to-be-able-to-wear-it, as this is probably the pinnacle of rudeness.

I think that a wedding is about the Bride/Groom coming together and celebrating their union in the manner that they feel reflects their personalities & attitudes. Typically they plan every iota of detail, including manner of dress (day/evening/formal). Most guests understand that the event is about the couple, and the simple etiquette to not outshine the Bride and/or the Groom.

I'm getting married in May and I'm not asking my guys to wear kilts - but they will be in tuxes. Since I'm the only Scot, it seems appropriate for me to be in full regalia. In my experience in regards to being a guest at weddings, I've been asked specifically to wear my Kilt. Either because other guests were asked to wear their military uniforms, or when the entire groom's party were kilted.

Just my two cents...

[PEEDYC]

I am guilty of only wearing my kilt(s) on special occasions like weddings, funerals, and some parties but especially at New Year (depending on the type of event). Apart from the usual comments from my drinking friends when I arrive I normaly get compliments and thanks for "making an effort" or showing respect. Last year my best pal's son died and I went kilted to the funeral as usual. Some months later I mentioned to the lads mother that I was going to wear my kilt more often. She commented that she thought it would detract from the occasions I usually wore it on and suggested that I keep it for special occasions. She changed her opinion when she saw me at New Year for the first time dressed in PC jacket Full Dress Sporran etc. She had only ever seen my in Tweed Argyle and more sombre, casual attire. She was not fully aware of the many different looks that kilted can have.

[Rex_Tremende]

Most guests understand that the event is about the couple, and the simple etiquette to not outshine the Bride and/or the Groom.

It's something that I think has sort of been lost in modern weddings, but I always understood public vows to be a way of requesting the support of your community to further cement the bonds of marriage. This, to me, suggests that the event is as much about the community the bride and groom will inhabit as it is about the sacred rite. I guess I'm kind of old-fashioned in that way. Perhaps it is not so much etiquette but rather good sense that if you suspect the bride and/or groom are concerned about being outshone to leave the kilt at home.

As for me, I hope to never receive an invitation to a wedding where the bridal couple is concerned about the attire of the guests beyond "day," "evening," or "black tie." Fortunately, it's unlikely that I ever will.

Regards,
Rex.

[derosa]

In my case I probably won't be wearing it to the wedding. The mother of the groom has decided to invite 200 people to a wedding in which only 40 total people are to be invited. The bride and mother of the bride have asked that I and her uncle kindly inform the 180+ people without actual invites that they can't come in. Hopefully nothing comes of it but pants seem better to scuffle in if the need arises. Potentially damaging 50.00 pants vs 300.00 kilt is a no brainer to me. And from past wearings in her town southern Georgians are not that familiar with the kilt, might be a bit of a scene stealer.

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

I'm 100% with Jock on this one. Outside of Scotland, unless the invitation says "Highland attire" (as in Highland Attire Requested or Highland Attire Preferred) I leave the kilt at home-- if the invitation is to a wedding, the same rule applies unless I am specifically asked by the bride to attend in the kilt. I would never ask the bride if it was alright to wear my kilt as it places her in the horribly awkward position of having to risk offending me if she says "No, please don't," or biting the bullet and saying, "Why yes, of course. I'd be delighted if you wore your kilt," when her actual feelings might be that she'd rather stick pins in her cheeks than see someone cavorting on the dance floor swathed in what to her may look like a checkered table cloth topped off by an amputated tails coat.

Accepting an invitation includes accepting the terms under which the invitation is extended. That includes conforming to the standard of dress expected by the hostess.

[Tetley]

Are there people who have a moral objection to wearing trousers?

Yes.

Mark

[fluter]

Are there people who have a moral objection to wearing trousers?

There are some people who don't own any trousers.