Very Angry with nephew.

**Lallans** · 23rd September 10, 01:24 PM

For sure, the more copies of family documents that are scattered about, the more likely they are to survive the generations. I'd spread them around like leaves, and have when such have come down to me. Otherwise, one fire, one flood, one [fill in unforeseeable calamity here], and pffffffft they're gone forever....

**macwilkin** · 23rd September 10, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by Tobus

I'm confused by your response. He asked if he was wrong in his understanding of king-assigned tartans. I said yes (meaning yes, he was incorrect). You said no. Then you pointed to a source that shows that indeed his understanding was wrong.

Did you mean to say yes, or no?

I thought you were saying that the Monarch did assign tartans. My sincere apologies.

T.

**macwilkin** · 23rd September 10, 01:35 PM

Originally Posted by Cygnus

I understand where Inchessi is coming from - he has strong family traditions of which he is very proud, and he wants those traditions to continue. I understand his desire to keep original military documents in the hands of persons with military experience and (hopefully) respect for those sorts of things.

I'm not so sure I buy this logic; there are a number of military historians, who due a number of reasons, incluing health issues, were not able to serve -- yet have an understanding & appreciation for military history.

T.

**auld argonian** · 23rd September 10, 01:40 PM

I'd lay back and calm down and see what time brings.

Cygnus touched on something that I thought upon reading the initial post...it was explained to me a long time ago by a friend who was a retired Army Captain and a psychologist that there are some people who do not belong in the military and there are people that the military would really rather not have as members...for one reason or another...not that anybody is a bad person but that's just the way things go. When that happens, it's in everybody's best interest that the matter not be forced.

Take some comfort in that...sort of that "change the things I can, accept the things I can't change and have the wisdom to know the difference" thing. Hang onto your records and wait and see if, in the end, there is someone who you feel is worthy to preserve the archive...more important that it be preserved.

Best

AA

**Cygnus** · 23rd September 10, 01:44 PM

Originally Posted by cajunscot

I'm not so sure I buy this logic; there are a number of military historians, who due a number of reasons, incluing health issues, were not able to serve -- yet have an understanding & appreciation for military history.

T.

Indeed there are, but is Inchessi's nephew one of them? I've never met him, so I can't be the judge of that. As I said, I'm hugely interested in my own family's history (military and otherwise), and I never served in the armed forces.
I would like to think that he (the nephew) has the potential to be a military historian, but I can't make that call.

**cessna152towser** · 23rd September 10, 01:49 PM

Well I wear tartans of various families whose bloodlines I can claim through my father's and mother's families so I don't see it as a problem. If you really feel strongly that your nephew must wear his father's tartan you could offer to buy him a kilt in that tartan.

**artificer** · 23rd September 10, 01:57 PM

To the OP.

Pride is a magical thing. It will survive any number of slights, bumps and bruises if you allow it to mend itself. The more we focus on our pride, the more fragile it becomes.

To withhold family information is, in my opinion, inexcusable. You don't need to provide the originals. A day spent with a scanner and a cd burner will allow the whole family to share in the information. You can give the originals to the family member that meets your 'criteria'.

As to the hurt feelings about choosing to focus on his mother's family's tartan... so what? It's right NOW. Who is to say what he will buy in the future. How many people on this board have more than one kilt???

When you focus your attention on something, it has to start SOMEWHERE, he just chose to focus on the half of his family that YOU WEREN'T A PART OF. Unless there's some sinister reason for him choosing to focus on that part first, why would it bother you?

His desire for the paperwork you are withholding would indicate SOME interest in his paternal side of the family. And, no offense, but if your reaction to his initial request and genealogical focus will do ANYTHING, it will drive him further away from exploring the family you are so proud of.

Relax, take a breath, chill. Living family is more important than the past.

**macwilkin** · 23rd September 10, 01:58 PM

Post deleted. Unecessary.

**Zardoz** · 23rd September 10, 02:29 PM

I can't fathom why any family records, be they genealogical, military papers, immigration records, medical documents, etc. should not be made available to any family members who ask for them, photocopies are cheap.
My father had a issue like this with an aunt who would not give up some genealogical and military papers because she paid for the research (pre-internet) and wanted to be the only one in the family to be qualified for a certain fraternal organization. In the long run, she didn't "win" he just went through the same genealogical outfit.