Advice for men about to be married

[MichaelPHahn]

Been married to my best friend, Tracy, for 26 years. If you ask her she will tell you that 23 of them have been wonderful (We are in agreement that #s 1, 7, & 23 were years of struggle). We think agreeing on which years is the indicator of our mutual commitment and love. Anyway, I think there has been much good advice. I think marriage is an amazing adventure and here is my addition to the collective wisdom:

1. The idea that it's 50/50 is a lie, and don't you buy it. Some days it's 5/95, so days it's the inverse, and some magical days it is an even split. The days I carry the biggest load are the days that I am the best lover, as well as the times I grow the most.
2. During a counseling session, at about month 11 of our marriage (Did I say that we are both from broken homes, did not have a clue how to do marriage, and survived by the grace of a very personal God who cares?) we were told to keep in mind that there are 4, not 2, people in the relationship. There is my image of Tracy, and the real Tracy, as well her image of Mike, and the real Mike. Let that sink in. Our biggest arguments are when we are dealing with false images, rather than our loving spouses!
3. A truly wondeful resource are the books of John & Stasi Eldredge (newest is "Love & War"). They write as though they were in you living room and they pull no punches.
4. Stealing fromthe Eldredges,and others, remember that her heart is asking "Am I captivating? Does he desire me (we are talking way beyond just physical stuff here people)?" And his heart is asking "Do I have what it takes? Does she respect and trust me?" Keep that in mind when dealing with each other. It certainly rings true in my marriage.
5. It is the adventure of a lifetime, but only when you work as partners for a lifetime. No deeper reward than knowing what it is like to love and be loved when you know each other in ways that take years of sharing.

End of sermon.

I apologize for typos and bad grammar. Decided to do this from my phone because this weekend is technology free - I have getaway with my wonderful, beautiful bride.

[Piper]

Speaking from 41 years in the marital trenches, my advice is that marriage doesn't "work", it has to be worked at. Nothing worthwhile comes easy. I'll also add a caveat, there is no statute of limitations in marriage. Anything you say (or do) may be held against you at any future time.
One additional comment. My Bride and I have been married for a bit over 41 years. I'd be lying if I said I've always been happy. But, I can guarantee you I've never been bored. I think boredom has destroyed more relationships than anything else.

[Burly Brute]

I am set to wed in January of 2012. Among many thoughts running through my mind, a good start is found in 1 Corinthians 13.

4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never fails

[Father Bill]

I am set to wed in January of 2012. Among many thoughts running through my mind, a good start is found in 1 Corinthians 13.

4Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant,

5does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

6does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

7bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8Love never fails

Good. Now if each of you would just substitute one another's name for the word "love" and try it again . . . . Prayers for your happiness and love.

[Burly Brute]

Good. Now if each of you would just substitute one another's name for the word "love" and try it again . . . . Prayers for your happiness and love.

Haha for sure! I think we both have decent heads on our shoulders, we are young, but not too naive. And in some respects I look forward to the hardships that draw us closer together as one flesh and allow us to express our unity. Please, if anything, just be in prayer over my ability to lead as I should and to be a man of integrity.

[Pleater]

Ah - now if you are talking about love: -


Let me not to the marriage of true minds

Admit impediments. Love is not love

Which alters when it alteration finds,

Or bends with the remover to remove:

O no! it is an ever-fixed mark

That looks on tempests and is never shaken;

It is the star to every wandering bark,

Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks

Within his bending sickle's compass come:

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

If this be error and upon me proved,

I never writ, nor no man ever loved.



William Shakespeare

(1564 - 1616)

[Father Bill]

Haha for sure! I think we both have decent heads on our shoulders, we are young, but not too naive. And in some respects I look forward to the hardships that draw us closer together as one flesh and allow us to express our unity. Please, if anything, just be in prayer over my ability to lead as I should and to be a man of integrity.

Prayers? You got 'em!

Bill

[Drac]

Also remember that dispite the old saying "It's her day" it may not be.

Our wedding was her famlies day. We want a elopement to a small wedding. We ended up with a Disponsated church wedding with smells and bells and me being the only one not standing in line for the Sacriment. All for the Mother.

Remember you're not just gaining a wife you're gaining a family and they matter almost as much as her. Especially to her.

Jim

[Bigkahuna]

Always kiss Goodnight and Good Morning. Always be able to tell her why you love her. She will ask.......often. Married 44 years.

[Standard]

Being married to my best friend for 23 years now we've learned a lot about each other that the first 4 years of knowing each other and dating couldn't come close to. Some of my observations from this time:
1. Everyday thank her for something that she did for you.
2. Hold hands in public, and whenever possible.
3. Remind her of how beautiful you think she is.
4. Tell her often of how glad you are to be married to her, and how much you love her.
5. Don't go to bed arguing with each other.
6. Be best friends, but give the other room to also be themself.
7. Always remember to have fun with each other.
We're proud of the fact that we've made it this far together, we've had a couple of rocky years, but many more great times than bad.