Its seems my confidence is broken...Help?

[Tobus]

Get yourself a proper traditional kilt if you don't already have one and walk around downtown. Then watch how the ladies look at you. That should build your confidence up pretty quickly.

Also, as a general rule the cool kids in high school grow up to be losers in adult life and the unpopular kids become the attractive and interesting adults. You're on your way, lad.

Oddly enough, this was in today's headlines, which seems quite appropriate here.

Now I know it doesn't help solve today's problems by telling you that you'll be successful later on. But xman has some pretty good advice on wearing the kilt in a traditional manner. I don't know how you normally wear it, but if it's at all like you're showing in your avatar, it seems a bit costumey. And even your 15-year old "friends" (they don't seem like very good friends to me) recognize play-acting when they see it. That often leads to taunting and teasing and not taking you seriously. So... get serious about it. When worn properly and traditionally, the kilt automatically gives the wearer confidence and a bit of swagger.

[biblemonkey]

I recently found myself in situations that took an emotional toll on my heart. Such as realizing i cant move on from a girl who broke up with me last august and also that anytime i try to stand up for what i believe in or for my friends, everyone makes it clear to me that i need to shut up because nobody cares (what they really say is a lot meaner, since they're all 14-15 years old). Not only did it hurt, but also disintegrated my confidence. Because of this, i now find myself uncomfortable in one of my favorite articles of clothing, the kilt. Can someone please tell me how i can get enough confidence back to at least wear the kilt without feeling.........vulnerable?

I have alot of experience in the same area. My advice is to remember that when you graduate and are in college you can be whoever you want to be and noone will say any different. Best to start standing up to these jerks now so you don't have to learn how to do it later. You are who you are and they have no right to tell you that you can't stand up for those you care about. The ones who mess with you over those kinds of things are not your friends I take it? That being the case, I won't say it's not going to hurt but just remember that you have your whole life to be the better version of yourself and these guys are only here for now. Avoid them, stand up to them, do whatever you need to do but just don't let them determine your self image. When you start doing that it takes a VERY long time to get over it.

In the love area...All I can say is that love finds you when you stop looking. Most of my friends are now married to wonderful women who they never even thought that they would date. Give it time. You'll heal some day and then WHAM God'll drop her right in your lap.

All the best,
Hugh

[tulloch]

All good advice. I would only add, if it hasn't been said above, stay off Facebook - waste of time and sucks the life out of your self-confidence, and take up playing the bagpipes - a combination of martial arts, military discipline and creative outlet.

[Semiomniscient]

All good advice. I would only add, if it hasn't been said above, stay off Facebook - waste of time and sucks the life out of your self-confidence, and take up playing the bagpipes - a combination of martial arts, military discipline and creative outlet.

Yeah, this is all good. If you have a hobby, physical community like church youth group, extracurricular school group, martial arts group, hobby/game club, etc. (not facebook, not xmarks, etc.), throw yourself into that and build up some good relationships. I was in a similar situation in high school, albeit not nearly so severe--but I started attending my church's youth group which is where I became good friends with the girl who is now my wife.

[artificer]

I recently found myself in situations that took an emotional toll on my heart. Such as realizing i cant move on from a girl who broke up with me last august and also that anytime i try to stand up for what i believe in or for my friends, everyone makes it clear to me that i need to shut up because nobody cares (what they really say is a lot meaner, since they're all 14-15 years old). Not only did it hurt, but also disintegrated my confidence. Because of this, i now find myself uncomfortable in one of my favorite articles of clothing, the kilt. Can someone please tell me how i can get enough confidence back to at least wear the kilt without feeling.........vulnerable?

It may not be of tremendous help now, but trust me on this...

Many of those who bully you now are (quite literally) having the best time of their lives. These bullies are the ones who will look back forever at High School as when they peaked. (kinda sad, no?)

You're a nerd. There is NOTHING wrong with it, wear that badge with pride.

As you go on to college, or at least the wider world, you'll see that the qualities you are spurned for having now are the ones that will make you more interesting to other interesting people.

The dull "sheeple" who are terrified of being different NOW will still be the same boring people in the future. Boring jobs, boring hobbies, boring lives.

Being brave enough to be true to yourself, ESPECIALLY in the face of taunts from the "sheeple" is true strength.

To put it simply:
Screw the ex. As bad as it hurts now, you WILL get over her.

If your friends won't go to bat for you, screw them too- they're not your friends.

Take some martial arts, if you desire (and self-defense is never a bad thing when you're different) strap on your kilt, and go to an alternative concert.
You'll get plenty of positive attention (and probably a few phone #s) and maybe some new friends, too.

BTW: 3fingerslinger, I did the egg-whites too

[Chirs]

In my experience, there is always someone who is ready to tell you just how wrong you are. And, have you ever noticed, it's the ones who do nothing who think they know the right way to do everything? I am almost 50 and the only real difference between what you have described and my own experience is: I don't call those people friends.

It sounds to me like you are a person who is willing to take a chance. So long as you are not causing harm to anyone or anything (and that includes yourself), being willing to risk being 'wrong' is the only way to find your own reality; otherwise, you're just living by what someone else has decided. There is no need to re-invent the wheel but you are in the process of 'inventing' yourself so, invent away!

What other people say about you only matters if you believe what they say to be true. So, if what they say matters to you, you are believing them in some way. Here's the thing: they're probably right (but that doesn't mean that what they're saying is correct). Everyone is everything: everyone is kind, everyone is mean, everyone is happy, everyone is sad, everyone is angry, everyone is patient, everyone is everything. They have to be, they're human! What matters is what we show to the world and how we treat others. Just like them, you have the option to be very mean to people. If you have decided to be patient, I would say "That's a good thing."

Be confident in yourself. You are a human and there is nothing you can do to change that. But what you can control is what you do with it. That, in my mind, is what maturity is all about: knowing what your options are and making the best choices you can from what you've got. It is also understanding that you do not know what options other people have so you cannot understand the choices they make. Equally, they cannot understand your choices. Choose well. Choose from your options. Choose to be the best you can be. This is, after all, your life.

As for love: when we are happy with ourselves we make others happy, and that opens the door for love to find us. Who knows? When you are ready, she may come back. Or there will be another. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that there will be many others, so don't worry about it.

[cdarwin]

I haven't seen a bit of bad advice here yet, so I won't add too much. There will always be drama in your life. How you deal with the drama around you is what will set you apart. You can not fabricate self confidence. It comes with knowledge and experience. Don't waist too much time indoors playing video games and on MyFace (or is it SpaceBooks these days?). There is a whole world full of beauty out there that you should try to experience every chance you get. While you're out there living you're life the way you want to, you will eventually come across other folks who are as intelligent and interesting as you are. They will probably not be the ones you grew up with. Somewhere along the way, you may even find someone who you can see yourself with for the short while you have left on this amazing blue/green spec of life we call Earth.

Cheers,
-J

[Father Bill]

Ouch! If you look up my bio, I'm both a retired school principal and a priest, so I see your hurt from a couple of angles. You'll be in my prayers, Bud - it's a really tough age to have that kind of crrrap going about. If you want to send me a PM, I'll gladly work with you on it - and no preaching unless you want it

Confidence is one of those things that comes from both within and without and you've been cut off from without. Time is a great healer.

On your side, lad! For sure!

[Celt_GravityRebel]

Thanks everyone. About the martial arts thing, i actually love doing something that involves intense physical discipline. Many and i call it parkour. Also known as the art of motion. Nothing makes me feel better like flipping over rails and running on walls. Thanks for all the support everyone. I may not be healed but i dont feel broken anymore. That counts for someting, right?

[Celt_GravityRebel]

Oh, also about not talking to her, i cant do that because she's my best friend. One of the very few people i can fully trust. I dont want to date her again i just cant stop loving her. But its cool now. Thanks everybody.