Wearing a Kilt to a wedding

[MacBean]

The primary reason I wear the kilt is to honor, and draw attention to, my ancestral heritage, something I am quite comfortable doing. But for me, drawing attention at someone else's big day is not that important, there are 364 other days I can do that if I want to.

We could look at it that way, or we could simply say we are doing our part to make the day festive and joyful by wearing a kilt.

[auld argonian]

Wearing a kilt to a wedding...why am I thinking of the third (?) wedding in the film Four Weddings And A Funeral...Simon Callow joyously dancing his kilted **** off and then collapsing of a massive heart attack...

So...anyway...everyone so far has given some good advice about whether or no to go kilted...I suppose there's a corollary to the old quip, "The definition of a gentleman is someone who knows how to play the bagpipes but refrains from doing so." A gentleman (particularly in this country) knows how to wear the kilt and has some sensitivity about when it might not be appropriate.

One of the things that I might toss into the mix, though, is that there might be some kind of middle ground way of dressing for occasions where you do go kilted but aren't part of the main event. It's been pointed out that your basic daywear outfit is something like a tweed jacket and such and that the full evening outfit is the PC or Argyll...I'd think that in a situation like this, the silver trim and dress sporran would be too much and that a toned down approach would be good...I suppose that the Wallace Jacket is about as close as I'm thinking: nice fabric, dark buttons and, if I remember correctly, no epaulets. A darker, less fancy sporran would be good, too.

Through the years that I've been on this forum, I've seen lots of threads wherein somebody was trying to force the kilt into situations where it probably did not belong. Notable among these have been active military guys who keep trying to find an excuse to wear the kilt to official functions where the manner of dress is already set by both regulations and by custom. Lots of threads where it was somebody creating some family tension by wearing the kilt but doing the "I yam what I yam" thing in spite of it only creating more tension.

I suppose that we all go a little over the top when we first discover that this is a great wardrobe option. I know that I certainly did. I have a few friends to whose events I will no longer wear the kilt because they acted so weird about it the first time I did. Joke is that they always ask, "Where's the kilt?" when I show up in pants...I just tell them with a very straight face that I could see that it made them uncomfortable so, out of consideration for them, I didn't wear it.

So sad that people don't look at the kilt as a nice wardrobe option...I guess they just have this vision of you showing up looking like some kind of cast member of Brigadoon or sommat...we just have to educate them, I guess.

But you know these folks better than any of us so just ask...maybe the bride and all will think that it's fantastic and you'll both be happy.

Best

AA

ps: I have stated publicly that I WILL of a metaphysical certaintude be wearing full kilted kit to the wedding of my nieces and nephews (a couple of these possible future events being, no doubt, full drag Greek Orthodox fandango's). This is in an effort to get myself left OFF the guest lists. Despicable me...

[Cowher]

Lots of good things to consider in this thread. I am also going to a wedding soon and I will be going kilted.
Here's the deal: My wife is the maid of honor and I'm friends with the bride via my wife and after many attempts I just don't seen to "click" with the groom. I asked the bride if she would be offended if I wore my kilt. She said she wanted to see my outfit and the groom snickering said. "Noooo waaay". Well I was hired to be the bartender at the brides shower and I am going to kilt up for that. I will be able to judge the reaction of everyone there and the bride will see me in a kilt (although not in the tweed jacket and waistcoat I'll be wearing to the wedding.) I, personally, am learning that asking to wear my kilt is foolish. Does a American born Indian ask to wear a Saree <-spelling? NO. By asking I enforce the connotation that a kilt is odd.
I'm still learning where my kilted self fits into this world yet so don't take me too seriously.

Cheers!

Oh and let us know how it goes.

[Cathy McWilliams]

If there are Scots in the family, you might not be the only one wearing the kilt. I've also been to a lot of non-Scots weddings and there were kilts worn by various guests. My husband wore his kilt to my brother's wedding and it was the only kilt there and no one minded. My mother loved it!
When the bride and groom go up to the altar, everyone will be admiring the happy couple - mostly the blushing bride so do what you want.

[pascs]

I always wear my kilt to weddings but then I'm Scottish so its pretty normal. I've not been to a wedding in the last 25 years and not been kilted, I was kilted at my own wedding and all my friends and relatives weddings.

I actually cant imagine going to a wedding and not wearing the kilt, and I never realised that it was such a big issue in the US. In Scotland its just normal and I've never seen a bride and groom upstaged by someone in a kilt, I wouldnt have thought that was actually possible.

A subtly worn kilt, in my opinion, looks far nicer than a tux. I guess this is another case of different attitudes towards the kilt in different countries

[Steve Barclay]

+6

...this is a common concern. The procedure is always the same. The woman in the big white dress calls the shots.

I'd imagine that the groom would have some say too!!

[Father Bill]

I'd imagine that the groom would have some say too!!

I love to work with people with such wonderful imaginations!

[Ryan Ross]

The way I look at it, and with as odd and touchy as some people are now, someone's wedding IS NOT the time to make some sort of statement, assert your free thinking, champion the kilt as "normal" clothing, or otherwise worry about "drawing attention to your heritage" (well said, MacM's son) .

With that in mind, unless you feel pretty much 100% that the couple in question wants or expects you to show up kilted, you should ask. As a gentleman, I feel that under those circumstances, I would want to do my best to ensure that the bride and groom have the best day possible. If one of the things I think I can do to make that happen is wear p@nts, that's what I'm going to do.

To my own way of thinking, if someone invites me to be in attendance on one of the most important days of their life, any macho thoughts along the lines of "nobody's going to tell me what to wear!" should seem relatively unimportant. I'm more concerned with being a considerate person, than a self-important one.

Just my own two cents, and how I personally view the sittuation.

I'd imagine that the groom would have some say too!!

Have you known many grooms?

[Father Bill]

Ryan - First rate thinking!

[Ryan Ross]

Thanks much, Father.

I love wearing the kilt as much as anyone, and at the last several weddings I've attended, I've not only been kilted, but I've been the only one kilted. In fact, in the last few cases, the brides have actually checked with me, to ensure that I would be kilting! How's that for a turn-around?

I think a lot of it comes down to the vibe you give off, when wearing the kilt on a daily basis. I've been doing it for a good ten years now, and by this point, I don't really give the thing a second though. In other words, I don't act different when kilted, than I do when not. On top of that, when I kilt, I tend to do the opposite of the "peacock" thing, just as I do in my p@nts wardrobe. Very understated and simple.

Again, not sure if that has much to do with it or not, but it's a thought.