A recurring theme on the various kilt pages

[kiltedtom]

My only reply is that a person might seek an opinion, but one does not have to be rude in the way the opinion is given. It is not what we say; it is how we say it. And my mother will wash out my mouth with soap if I do not say it politely. She is 83yo, and I still have to be careful around her.


Have a good day, everyone.

Tom

[ForresterModern]

IMHO these kinds of posts are the hardest to handle. You want to give what you believe is good advice, but do not want to either come off as seeming to be a self-appointed expert nor provide a falsely positive review in order to not "scare off" an up and comping kiltie. I generally give a little honest response, hopefully positive but possibly corrective. I recommend (and do this myself) that if you have negative responses that might come across as possibly insulting that you instead of replying in open forum you rather send it in a personal message allowing for that private setting to transmit anything that might have the potential to be taken as offensive or potentially embarrassing.

[styphonthal]

All good comments here to be sure. From some of those pages on Ye Olde Book of Faces, one could be forgiven for thinking that looking like a cross between a bikie gang member and a Dungeons and a Dragons player were the norm for going kilted.

This closely describes my look, with my affinity for biker leather products.

[RockyR]

I notice those type of posts (where people ask for feedback but are REALLY looking for positive affirmation) much more on Facebook groups than I do on XMarks. I (as a kilt company owner) never feel quite comfortable giving feedback as it can be seen as 'biased', so generally, I keep to myself on those type of posts.

That being said, If I WAS going to give feedback, I would probably post first clarifying "Would you like honest feedback on the outfit from a traditional highland wear point of view or are you looking for gentle feedback about your overall look" or some such comment. This way, I would frame my reply (if any) in a way that is expected.

If you have someone who is obviously just having fun with trouser freedom nature of a kilt (especially in a group where 99% of the people feel the same way and will potentially single you out you if you state contrary opinions), then you're entering a situation where you have to expect to be singled out for "being mean / kilt cop" even if you're only giving the exact feedback the person asked for. In that instance, it's hard to speak up politely as you know you're outnumbered and will likely be scolded. I suspect that many people may just let the "you look great" type comments pass while biting their tongue.

Another way to handle it would be a comment to the effect of "As someone who wears the kilt and accessories in a much more traditional manner, I would comment that the way you're dressed in the picture doesn't appeal to me. If you'd like further feedback from me, I'd be happy to expound, but I don't want to be attacked for thinking differently on the issue, so I can leave my comments at that if you'd prefer."

[RockyR]

Taking this discussion a bit further, SHOULD we who have been wearing a kilt for a long period of time, comment on those types of threads / posts to show an opposing viewpoint to the several (dozens?) positive affirmation comments?

SNIP...

I recommend (and do this myself) that if you have negative responses that might come across as possibly insulting that you instead of replying in open forum you rather send it in a personal message allowing for that private setting to transmit anything that might have the potential to be taken as offensive or potentially embarrassing.

While I agree that is much more tactful than an open response (especially a caustic one), it doesn't address the issue that without public comments gently encouraging people to wear it a bit more traditionally (or let them know that they can wear it how they want, but the way they are wearing it isn't traditional), people may see the pictures and think that's how the kilt is typically worn.

I have no firm 'right / wrong' answer here... my comments are just food for thought.

[AdamBogle]

I have to say that I learn new things every time I visit this forum. That's why I'm here - to learn. As you can see from my profile pic, I've still a long way to go on how and why to kilt up properly. I've a Leatherneck Tartan Kilt on order with USA Kilts and hope to wear it as close to traditional as possible once it arrives.

[LKM]

For me, when I ask a question I am looking for honest answers. I know this is not the case for everyone and I try to give my opinion as polite as I can. I have seen far more polite honest opinions then I have seen rude comments on this site.

[ForresterModern]

The problem is that, no matter what the intent when some comment is written, it is how the reader (original poster or OP) interprets those comments that ends up being what is important. Although people use smileys and other emoticons, or use ALL CAPS when they want to appear to be "screaming", otherwise it is very difficult to use a few well chosen words to aptly get across one's intended statement, and it is far more common that some or all of the opinion or comment may be taken by the OP in a way that was not intended by the writer.

[Jock Scot]

You are not wrong Jeff, but I fear that is just one of the perils of the internet, particularly so when English English is written and then read by North Americans who do inevitably interpret things in a different way on occasion, who in this particular instance are the majority of the members here. We also have the complication of discussing another countries national attire, who, again, are a very small minority within the large community here which does add to the complications too. But on balance, I think, the question and answer system on an international website such as this, works pretty well in the circumstances.

[Jock Scot]

I have to say that I learn new things every time I visit this forum. That's why I'm here - to learn. As you can see from my profile pic, I've still a long way to go on how and why to kilt up properly. I've a Leatherneck Tartan Kilt on order with USA Kilts and hope to wear it as close to traditional as possible once it arrives.

Hello Adam. No doubt you have scouted round this website and have found the traditional kilt section, and the putting it on properly section and one or two more that will have significant threads that you will find useful and perhaps thought provoking. There are within those sections some really helpful threads lurking way back in pages that are long gone from sight and memory. Might I suggest that whilst you wait for the great day when your kilt arrives, you delve into the threads past and not just those of the last year either, there are some absolute gems lurking there, that go many, many years back. Happy hunting.