A Dissapointing conversation

[Robin]

Point her to the threads in the pics forum where guys from the board show "casual", "dressy" and "formal" pictures.

It can't hurt.

Great idea!...a truckload of great pictures!

[Frog]

My wife and I seem to be in the middle of the spectrum - she has no problem with my wearing casual. solid kilts, but is resistant to the idea of my getting a tartan - 'specially since I now know it doesn't have to be wool, which I'm allergic to -or wearing a sporran. I coulda used one (or five) today with the 30 mph winds we had (I ended up wearing sweats).

Frog

[Scott Gilmore]

...In reality, some of the information points to her being correct. Not many people wear kilts, and most of them that do wear them for formal or celtic events. ...

Yes, she is basically right, but not in questioning your mental health. My wife feels similarly (about kilt wearing - she questions my mental health for other reasons ... arguably good reasons).

Having said that, I've noticed over the months I've posted and mostly lurked here that we kilt wearers are pretty varied lot. There are posters here from every hemisphere, various sexual preferences, most races, numerous religions and non-religious, but we do, in my opinion have one fundamental personality trait in common.

We are flamboyant.

In a good way, mostly, but more so than the average Gumby out there. When compared to our peers, I see this single personality trait - this commonality - as what leads us to be more amenable to kilting than others. Just my opinion, of course.

Flamboyance can be a little hard to accept or adjust to, so give family and friends some latitude if they don't jump on board right off. If you do it right - if you temper the flamboyance (all things in moderation), they'll come around.

I agree wholeheartedly with Panache's advice about keeping your priorities straight. Take that approach and all will be well.
.

[Hamish]

Point her to the threads in the pics forum where guys from the board show "casual", "dressy" and "formal" pictures.

It can't hurt.

I already mentioned this area in my post above yours Alan! I quote:

..................................Show her the many photos in the top three 'stickies' in the "Show us your pics" part of this forum. There she will see examples of just how many great ways our kilts can be worn. There are over a hundred further photos in my own photo album, linked below.[/b][/i]


However, I think you worded it more effectively!!

[Dreadbelly]

I am most thankful that my wife supports what I do.

Remember to love, be gentle, and do not run out of patience.

My wife tends to slide to the other end of the scale. She is extremely supportive... So much so to the point that she is downright catty in situations where others are not so nice to me. She takes real issue and there has been times where I have had to extract us from social situations where she goes completely off because somebody made a snide kilt comment.

Her family does not seem to appreciate my kilt wearing, which is really very sad because they have very deep Scottish roots.

Some people, wives included, you may never change.

[Rigged]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

[Dreadbelly]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

I have found that this approach is not such a good idea. It creates more of an "us vs them" vibe or worse, derails the actual conversation in to an even more heated debate. The sum of which is usually "Men have always had freedom in what they were, we haven't, we deserve to wear pants." This escalates quickly in to an unwinnable argument due to the emotional triggers involved.

My two coppers.

[elitekiltedcommando]

We are flamboyant.
.

I've been here a lot less time, and have noticed this as well. It is a good thing though. A group of people with a few common traits tend to get along better than a smaller group where everyone is exactly alike. (This is absed solely off of personal experience with friends.) And there's surely nothing wrong with being flamboyant. It sure sets me apart from others, and that's one of the reasons my girlfriiend cares about me so much. But anyways, for more help, CK, you could wear it a few times casually to help her get used to the idea. (It worked for me.) I'm not quite sure, but I think some already siggested this, though.

[Abax]

Alright so this is something I didn't expect to have to post, but I'm having difficulties with my significant other regarding kilts.

People get married because they're in love, but I think they stay together because they support each other. For me, this means my wife and I don't criticize each other in public, we actively support each other's goals and desires, and we respect each other's differing opinions (among many other things). We have this relationship only because we've talked about *exactly* these things in very plain terms many times.

Making suggestions about someone else's marriage is a delicate thing. I don't suppose to know anything about your relationship with your fiancee. But you seem to be asking for advice, so here goes . . .

Think about what you want from a marriage to your fiancee and then talk to her about it in the simplest language you can muster. Tell what her you hope you can do for each other and how you'll help each other over the next 50 or 60 years. Talk about how you'll handle disagreements, how you'll compromise, and how you'll disagree on the important things and the not-so-important. The issue of wearing a kilt is not so important in the big scheme of things, but how you handle your disagreement with your fiancee is very important - it may well set the tone for the rest of your marriage.

If you let her see that she has something to gain - your unflagging support - in exchange for hers, perhaps your fiancee will reconsider how she acts regarding your kilts and anything else that may come up in the future.

Abax

[Graham]

Time is the answer, as others have said.
My wife disliked the kilt at first, then tolerated it, now accepts it and even tells me when she thinks I look good in it.

I make a point of asking her help with colours and co-ordination to bring her in on it. (then I check with Hamish)

Our wives don't always grow and change ideas at the same rate as us men, give it time, be gentle and buy her a new dress - that helps!