Here's Your Sign

[O'Callaghan]

I've got one;


"How long have you been in the U.S.? Say something in Australian" ()

That's like the Motor Vehicle Administration asking me if my British driving licence was in English. No, it's in French ...

I also have my own New Mexico story. In my first US job there was an office clerk who had lived in Virginia all her life and thought New Mexico was in Mexico. None of the (numerous) foreign employees made the same mistake, not a single one! It was at this point that we suspected that geography education here might be a bit lacking. Now, nearly 20 years later and with two kids in the school system here we no longer think it, we know it for a fact, LOL!

[Cherub]

Mine was when i was working in a Hotel accounting dept. the System crashed so i went over to it an called support, The front office manager came running in and shooed me out of the way and started to talk to support they told him to try somthing and knowing the support people as i did i said to the controller who was standing beside me "it's not going to work" 2 seconds later the front office manager said on the phone "it didn't work"

eventually after a few more missteps he got it restarting and asked me (the person who had worked as a night auditor for 5 years with the same system and was used to restarting without support about twice a month or so) "can you take it from here.........:buttkick: yeah i think so.

I later got fired from that hotel because I knew more about the system than the system operator and managers....go figure.

[JS Sanders]

Here're some of the more frequent delta alpha questions & statements I've accumulated over the years.

“Are those bagpipes real?”

“I have some bagpipes that cost $175 – can you show me how to play them?”

"No kidding? Songs other than Amazing Grace can be played on the bagpipes?"

“I didn’t know bagpipes could be tuned.”

”Can I try playing your pipes?”

"Are you Scottish?" (I’m from Memphis)

“Are you Irish?” (I’m from Memphis)

"Is Ireland in Scotland?"

"Is Scotland in Ireland?"

"Is Scotland in England?"

"Is your kilt real?"

"Ever been to Brigadoon?"

"I've visited Glasgow Castle."

“Have you ever heard of 'Highland Games'?”

“I play the _______. Bagpipes would be easy to learn.”

“Really? There's actually 'written music' for bagpipes?”

Slan yall,
steve

[Nighthawk]

That's like the Motor Vehicle Administration asking me if my British driving licence was in English. No, it's in French ...

Really? Napoleon is a sneaky SOB...

[sathor]

At the local :ong John Silvers, I was talking to my son using my Scottish accent. Mind you, my Scottish and British accents are near perfect, the flaws being some words I don't use that a Scotsman or Brit would use. And I have gone hours without breaking the accent once. I had a friend in collage from a class that was from Brittan, and he loved it when I would confuse people usig the accent. Anyways, so there I am in LJS talking to my son with the full Scottish accent, and the lady cleaning the tables looks at me and ask "Are you really from Ireland?" I have a feeling that had I been in a kilt, it wouldn't have helped.

I don't do Irish. Nor that Northeastern US accent. I can do Southern, but I can't do Northeastern.

How do you answer stupid questions?
Oh, you are going to Austria for vacation. Are you driving?


Any others?

[Jerry]

I have several that I can't remember right now, but here's one from last summer. I was driving home from my bowling league, when the thermostat stuck closed on my Dodge Dakota, causing it to overheat. I pulled off at the first spot I found which was wide enough to get completely off the road. Unfortunately it had no parking signs. I got out and opened the hood to see steal spraying out off the filler cap. I didn't want to risk ruining the engine, so I looked up the nearest tow company and called them on my cell phone. About 5 minutes later, a county deputy pulled in behind me. She walked up, looked at the steaming engine and said, truck overheat? My first thought was of some classic Bill Engvall comeback, "Like no, my engine dirty light came on and I thought I'd better stop and steam clean it, or I was hungry, so I thought I'd stop and steam some rice". But, I didn't want to push things, so I just said, yes. Then she said, well, you can't park here. I had other thoughts, but I just said, I called a tow truck and they said they would be here in about 15 minutes. She accepterd that and left. "Here's your sign".

[arrg-isle]

Being a repatriated Vermonter, and communicating with fellow Americans from all around the continent, here's some of the recognitions I've heard of my home state:

1) "What do you folks do for work when the ski resorts close in the spring?"
(We all take seasonal lodging in Rhode Island & live on food stamps.)
2) "Oh, yeah, Vermont! That's the biggest city in New Hampshire, right?"
(Riiiight!)
3) "I just love the fresh lobsters my folks always buy up there!" ( . . uh-oh!)
4) "Yeah, I got my master's in Vermont; cool place, but too many snotty little colleges everywhere ya go!" (Do tell . . ?)
5) "Right, Vermont, that's just east of Montreal . . or is it west of there?"
(Depends on the wind chill.)
6) This from a 'Frisco native: "We've had a cabin there for over 20 years, but you know, you guys should never have legalized civil unions!" (Hmmm . . )
7) "I'd love to visit sometime . . do I have to speak French while I'm there?"
(Mais oui, certainement!)
8) "Do you have your own moose in Vermont, or do you borrow Maine's?"
(We used to borrow Maine moose, but the toll charge through NH was just too much!)
9) From a Hoosier acquaintance: "Sure, we used to drive through Vermont all the time when I was a kid, when we'd visit my uncle in Idaho."
(Good thing gas was so cheap!)
10) "Do you hang out all those buckets before or after the leaves turn red?"
(It's up to the Pope.)
And my favorite:
11) From a Boston visitor: "Will I get charged for bringing maple syrup back across the state line?" (No, but if it's over a quart, the troopers might quarantine it for a week or so!)

[ozone]

6) This from a 'Frisco native: "We've had a cabin there for over 20 years, but you know, you guys should never have legalized civil unions!" (Hmmm . . )

Well, folks in FRISCO, Colorado may not be as liberal as you might think. Now, if you meant to say SAN FRANCISCO, that's another story.

As a native San Franciscan, I can say that calling it "frisco" is like calling your country a c....to quote those clever frat boys out there (Oops, I meant "Fraternity")

[arrg-isle]

Well, folks in FRISCO, Colorado may not be as liberal as you might think. Now, if you meant to say SAN FRANCISCO, that's another story.

As a native San Franciscan, I can say that calling it "frisco" is like calling your country a c....to quote those clever frat boys out there (Oops, I meant "Fraternity")

I see your point.
It's the same issue the folks in Buffalo have with their lack of news coverage in a magazine called The New Yorker. Or the frustration Patriot fans in Pittsburgh, NH have towards an NFL team called the Steelers.
I guess I should have made my apostrophe bigger.

[sathor]

I see your point.
It's the same issue the folks in Buffalo have with their lack of news coverage in a magazine called The New Yorker. Or the frustration Patriot fans in Pittsburgh, NH have towards an NFL team called the Steelers.
I guess I should have made my apostrophe bigger.

When I lived near Cincinnati, I remember people being mad that they couldn't vote for the mayor of Cincy, because they lived in a different town! If the sign by your house says something is 20 miles away, you don't live at the place 20 mile away!