kilt lifters

[Mathuna]

I've been wearing kilts for only about two years now, and though I've had several friends (mostly the waitresses of the bars I frequent) tease me with little flips that wouldn't even show if I had boxers on, only twice have I had a "serious" incident.

The first was as I was walking into a restaurant as a couple was walking out. They had the initial "what the..." reaction, then we chatted for a couple of minutes. At one point the woman reached down and started to lift the apron. Her husband actually stopped her before I could, saying "you don't even know this guy!". When she told him "He likes it, that's why he wears a kilt", I had to make it very clear that without an invitation it's beyond rude. It's comparable to my lifting her shirt up without warning. As embarassed as that made her, it got worse when her husband agreed with me and he grabbed her shirt and lifted it. At first she was shocked and fell down grabbing her shirt, but then they were both laughing as she was smacking him all the way to their car.

The second was on St. Patrick's Day, so naturally there was drinking involved. I was shooting pool when a woman I know came up and asked the question. (I thought about giving a "show me yours and I'll show you mine" answer, except this woman was a dancer and I had already seen hers). Because we were in a corner and the crowd was at my back, I just smiled with my hands on my hips as she slowly lifted the apron. I could tell she was just going to lift until she saw underwear, but as I was regimental she kept going until she got a shocked look on her face. Let me tell you, having a very hot stripper look under your kilt and yell "Oh my God! I wasn't expecting THAT!" in a crowded bar has it's ups and downs. The rest of the night I had to be on my guard for uninvited lifters. On the up side, there were a few really good show me/show you moments.

So depending on the circumstance, kilt lifters are one of the blessings/curses we will hopefully have to always live with.

[Magnus Sporrano]

I had a simple idea one night at the pub...

"Can I see what's under your kilt?"

"Can I see what's under your dress first?"

No good. I tried it once and she called my bluff.

[Doc Hudson]

I can't remember where I saw it, but some one posted a photo of himself in his normal pub crawling attire, with the pleats lifted.

Under the kilt was a cheapo pair of white cotton boxer shorts with large black letters spelling:

BLOODY PERVERT!!

Front and rear applications might be necessary.

[Riverkilt]

Howz about,

"May I see what's under your kilt?"

"Sure, if you'll show me your tits"

[bubba]

Howz about,

"May I see what's under your kilt?"

"Sure, if you'll show me your tits"

Under the influence of too many pints you might be taken up on that. People will do peculiar things under the influence.

[M. A. C. Newsome]

When I first started wearing the kilt, when people would ask me what I was wearing under it, I would try and use some smart-alecy come back like "socks and shoes."

But the longer I wear the kilt, the more annoyed I get at this question. And the problem is, in my experience it's usually the older women who ask most often. And I just have a hard time telling off someone who looks like my grandmother, you know. :-)

So I've taken to saying things like, "Well, you'll have to ask my wife," or "I'm not allowed to tell you, I have to preserve the mystery."

But one time I was at Wal-Mart, of all places. I was on an errand for a specific item so I was focused on finding what I needed and getting out of there as fast as possible. It was crowded, and I hate being in stroes like that when they are busy. I just get discombobulated.

So, I'm walking fast down the asile, looking straight ahead, a man on a mission. Next thing I know there is an attractive young woman walking right next to me, keeping pace. "I like your kilt" she said. "Thanks," I said, without slowing down.

Then she asked the question. "What are you wearing under there?" Without thinking about it, I just turned to her and said, "Well, that's a rather personal question," with an indignant look on my face.

I think she was a bit surprised that I might react that way, so she pushed again. "No, I really just want to know, what are you wearing?"

At this point, I wasn't going to give in, so I just said, "That's rather rude, like me asking you what you are wearing under your jeans" (which she was wearing at the time).

She finally just said something like "fine, if you're not going to tell me..." and went on her way. But she was just flabbergasted that anyone might consider the question rude.

M

[Jimmy Carbomb]

So I've taken to saying things like, "Well, you'll have to ask my wife"

That's the one that works the absolute BEST.

Of course, I usually have Stacey near-by to back me up on it. They take one look at my adorable better-half and just mosey on down the road.

In the beginning, the question was a "rush". It doesn't take very long for it to be a REAL pain in the backside. THAT is pretty well agreed with everyone.

[Doc Hudson]

You could always say some thing along the lines of:

"For a buck I'll tell you. For five bucks I'll show you, and for $10.00 bucks you can find out for yourself."

Or for that matter, you can boost the prices to 5, 10, and 20. Could turn into a minor source of income it the idiots are flush enough to pay the fee.

(Shamelessly borrowed from Bravehearts.com)

[Magnus Sporrano]

You could always say some thing along the lines of:

"For a buck I'll tell you. For five bucks I'll show you, and for $10.00 bucks you can find out for yourself."

I tried that one before and it, too, backfired. At least I made some money.

[bubba]

Magnus, I have to wonder about the kind of places you go for a pint.