A Dissapointing conversation

[Rigged]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

[Dreadbelly]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

I have found that this approach is not such a good idea. It creates more of an "us vs them" vibe or worse, derails the actual conversation in to an even more heated debate. The sum of which is usually "Men have always had freedom in what they were, we haven't, we deserve to wear pants." This escalates quickly in to an unwinnable argument due to the emotional triggers involved.

My two coppers.

[Dirk Skene]

You might say something like, "Many guys felt the same way when their wives started wearing pants back in the 1970's."

Good point Rigged! I think I will at least try that.

[Red Lioness]

It's very sad that a woman cannot appreciate the fact that her man likes to wear something sharp, even in casual day to day affairs. Most people these days like to dress like they just came from the gym and it's hard to find someone who takes pride in thier appearance. I remember walking into a shoe store and asking for dancing shoes and being shown pink and yellow sneakers. Oh yeah, I'd look snazzy doing a tango in those. :rolleyes:

My experience in public kilted in noticably different, because hey, a woman in a 'skirt' is no biggie. I get a much bigger reaction when I go 'kimono-ing' in public. Different clothing, same concept. Strangers love it, I get tons of comments on how beautiful and elegant they are, whether I'm headed to a corporate gathering in a silk tomesode or standing in front of the local Wal-Mart in my favorite blue yukata.

My family, however, reacts differently. My mother, who loves men in kilts (and she's single btw), calls my kimono wearing 'dressing up' and definitely categorizes it as 'special occasion wear'. My ex-husband went nuts for my kimono when we were around the house (I think it was the ever so handy vents under the arms ) but saw them as a costume.

Overcoming this resistance from friends and loved ones is part of dressing differently. You'll get more attention from strangers and some (or most) of your friends and family don't want extra attention. They're going to try to discourage that attention by discouraging the source of it: your kilt/kimono/whatever).

Be strong, my brother! Stand up for yourself and your right to wear what you like!

P.S. I know everyone's probably sick about hearing about my kimono, but I've yet to find a kimono forum filled with such fine people as this board, so you're stuck with me.

[Dreadbelly]

It's very sad that a woman cannot appreciate the fact that her man likes to wear something sharp, even in casual day to day affairs. Most people these days like to dress like they just came from the gym and it's hard to find someone who takes pride in thier appearance. I remember walking into a shoe store and asking for dancing shoes and being shown pink and yellow sneakers. Oh yeah, I'd look snazzy doing a tango in those. :rolleyes:

My experience in public kilted in noticably different, because hey, a woman in a 'skirt' is no biggie. I get a much bigger reaction when I go 'kimono-ing' in public. Different clothing, same concept. Strangers love it, I get tons of comments on how beautiful and elegant they are, whether I'm headed to a corporate gathering in a silk tomesode or standing in front of the local Wal-Mart in my favorite blue yukata.

My family, however, reacts differently. My mother, who loves men in kilts (and she's single btw), calls my kimono wearing 'dressing up' and definitely categorizes it as 'special occasion wear'. My ex-husband went nuts for my kimono when we were around the house (I think it was the ever so handy vents under the arms ) but saw them as a costume.

Overcoming this resistance from friends and loved ones is part of dressing differently. You'll get more attention from strangers and some (or most) of your friends and family don't want extra attention. They're going to try to discourage that attention by discouraging the source of it: your kilt/kimono/whatever).

Be strong, my brother! Stand up for yourself and your right to wear what you like!

P.S. I know everyone's probably sick about hearing about my kimono, but I've yet to find a kimono forum filled with such fine people as this board, so you're stuck with me.

Heck, I'd go out in public with you whilst wearing a kimono. So long as you didn't mind if I wore a hakama with it. I'll be durned if I can find the little wooden sandles any place in my size though. My wife likes to look at kimonos, but I doubt she would actually wear one out of the house.

[Scott Gilmore]

... I'll be durned if I can find the little wooden sandles any place in my size though. ...

The Japanese Geta Shop.
.

[Abax]

Alright so this is something I didn't expect to have to post, but I'm having difficulties with my significant other regarding kilts.

People get married because they're in love, but I think they stay together because they support each other. For me, this means my wife and I don't criticize each other in public, we actively support each other's goals and desires, and we respect each other's differing opinions (among many other things). We have this relationship only because we've talked about *exactly* these things in very plain terms many times.

Making suggestions about someone else's marriage is a delicate thing. I don't suppose to know anything about your relationship with your fiancee. But you seem to be asking for advice, so here goes . . .

Think about what you want from a marriage to your fiancee and then talk to her about it in the simplest language you can muster. Tell what her you hope you can do for each other and how you'll help each other over the next 50 or 60 years. Talk about how you'll handle disagreements, how you'll compromise, and how you'll disagree on the important things and the not-so-important. The issue of wearing a kilt is not so important in the big scheme of things, but how you handle your disagreement with your fiancee is very important - it may well set the tone for the rest of your marriage.

If you let her see that she has something to gain - your unflagging support - in exchange for hers, perhaps your fiancee will reconsider how she acts regarding your kilts and anything else that may come up in the future.

Abax

[Graham]

Time is the answer, as others have said.
My wife disliked the kilt at first, then tolerated it, now accepts it and even tells me when she thinks I look good in it.

I make a point of asking her help with colours and co-ordination to bring her in on it. (then I check with Hamish)

Our wives don't always grow and change ideas at the same rate as us men, give it time, be gentle and buy her a new dress - that helps!

[Canadian_Kilt]

Continuous great advice! Unfortunately the last couple days have been very busy (She's hosting a corporate gathering tonight) so we haven't had a chance to talk much about it. But we both mentioned it today and the fact that we need to discuss it. I'm not all that worried. She's a huge worrier, and tends to go off the deep end a little without thinking about things, and then comes back to reality a short time later. In other words, by the end of last night she probably had come to the conclusion that I was a gay cross-dresser and leaving her for another man .. but tommorrow night when we really get to try and sort this out, it will have become just something a bit odd that she doesn't know how to deal with.

[Blu (Ontario)]

.... I'm having difficulties with my significant other regarding kilts.

As have many of us... me included.

... I intend to wear them occasionally, and for special occasions. So while I don't want to wear them every day, I certainly expect there will be days when I just feel like wearing one, and will....

You have just as much right to do this as she does. I'll bet, just as my own wife does, wears what she wants when she wants just because she can and because she feels like it.

...WHY I want to wear a kilt has more to do with respect for my family and a display of my heritage than anything.. etc.

.

Everyone has a slightly different approach to this. I suggest that one set of reasons for wearing a kilt is as valid as another. I believe this is something for the individual kilt wearer to determine... nobody else.

... she feels that they are meant for formal occasions only,

WRONG!

And a common misunderstanding! A kilt is not formal wear. It's a garment that covers the lower body just as a pair of trousers does. It can be worn with a shirt, tie, and dress jacket just as a pair of trousers can. It can also be worn with a sweater and a leather jacket just as a pair of trousers can.

... Some of this was very hurtful...

Of course it was. Her goal is to make disuade you from continuing. This is only as effective as you allow it to be.

... being concerned about my mental health for thinking about wearing one on any regular basis.

Another hollow slight. How about challenging her with the same crap because she like to wear blue jeans alot. Let's cut the crap and be adult about this.

... "It's basically a costume" she says. Basically thinks it would be embarrasing to be with me when I was wearing it.

This is much closer to the meat of it. Much of the concern has to do with what others will think - esp. family and friends.

... People that wear them every day just want to stand out and be different.

But you don't want to wear them every day. Neither do I. For those that do... that's their business.

... I was very shocked, and obviously not very happy to hear.

I know the drill. I've been through a few direct and sometimes blunt discussions. I've been through all of the warped logic, half truths, circular reasoning, dead-end debates, silly skirt remarks, pouting, silent treatment, and non sequiturs.


I finally laid it on the line with a set of basic ground rules:

-It is my right to wear a kilt whenever and wherever I choose to do so.

-Except that-

-I will not wear a kilt to functions primarily involving her friends, her family or her work colleagues unless she agrees to it.

-I will wear the kilt respectfully and properly as befits the occasion and

-I will reciprocate by being respectfull of her choice of attire.

She agreed.



blu