Pay back time?

**Streetcar** · 12th November 08, 01:35 PM

Ahhh, shabash on the auld eel!

I say he shouldn't wear it if he's only doing it to get the woman's goat. If he would have worn it normally, then go ahead! I would have ceased caring about her opinions (regarding dress) the day she stopped caring about mine.

**auld argonian** · 12th November 08, 01:53 PM

I've really thought a bit about your predicament...and I say just let it go. Just wear your best suit and be polite in the most cursory way and go on your way. You're just giving this person more power over you by feeling that you have to respond to her insult in some way. Should she bring it up, just tell her flat out that you thought about wearing full Highland dress just to spite her but that you decided that she wasn't worth it. Sad that things get like this among family members but that's the way it goes sometime. I have a few people near to me that have expressed their displeasure with my wearing the kilt...I don't wear it around them any more and when they've asked, I tell them that it's because I feel that my kilts are very special and I don't want to sully the whole thing by wearing them around people who don't like them. End of discussion. End of story. I will not allow any further discussion after that. This is driving a couple of them crazy.

Best

AA

**davedove** · 12th November 08, 02:20 PM

I would personally take the high road.

Now, about the original situation, it seems to me like the woman didn't realize she did anything wrong. Perhaps she thought she was helping out by "correcting" your mistake, something mom's do the world over, even when the kids are adults. Sometimes mothers don't know when to quit "helping" the kids around them. You obviously know her and I don't, so you have to make your own judgement on that.

**Ian.MacAllan** · 12th November 08, 03:28 PM

It sounds as if wearing a kilt to the wedding would be a very effective way of getting excluded from the wedding photos.

I tend to agree with McMurdo and Barb, except that I would not be kilted even at the reception unless I were explicitly invited to be so. I diligently avoid vengeance because I have learned that it causes far more grief than gratification in the long run, and that the long run can be as little as a year.

It sounds as if your mother is even more obsessively controlling than mine was. The only satisfactory way I ever found to deal with such people was to anticipate their actions and arrange to block them. For example, if I had anticipated her meddling with my attire I would have arranged to store it beyond her reach, and if I had anticipated her meddling with the music I would have supplied the DJ my selections immediately before the dance and made sure he understood that he who pays the piper calls the tune. I admit that this is difficult, but if you work at it you will succeed often enough to get her attention. Once she understands that her behavior will cost her she may moderate it.

Then again she may not. I had to move 900 miles away and refuse to come home for Christmas to get my mother's attention.

One thing I think you may need to prepare for is not being invited to her wedding at all, and then receiving the complaint "You knew I wanted you there!" Don't apologize; it's a serious mistake to let her wipe her feet on you. Tell her you don't read minds.

The simplest solution may be Mr. Kilt's. If your mother has to explain your absence from the wedding (as mine had to explain my absence from home at Christmas) she may even begin to think of you as a person instead of a pet.

Be sure to pass this thread on to your sister. Forewarned is forearmed, and she may be encouraged by seeing how many of us have had to deal with people like your mother.

Best wishes on your move to NZ. I really enjoyed my visit there, and I usually do not like travel at all.

.

**JS Sanders** · 12th November 08, 04:22 PM

<< ...don't put it on the piper to find out he's not welcome. >>

HOOOEEEE! - I've lost count of the times this situation has applied to me. Thankfully my performance is very abbreviated. And usually I'm literally shown the door.

I have a beau coup of empathy for the man she's gonna wed. Sure hope he knows what he's getting himself into. Unless he acquiesces to her every demand, his life is gonna be unpleasant at best.

If you're recording opinions, I'd simply not attend the ceremony or reception. You don't need me to tell you what kind of woman she is.

Slainte yall,
steve

**Carolina Kiltman** · 12th November 08, 07:25 PM

Originally Posted by davedove

I would personally take the high road.

Now, about the original situation, it seems to me like the woman didn't realize she did anything wrong. Perhaps she thought she was helping out by "correcting" your mistake, something mom's do the world over, even when the kids are adults. Sometimes mothers don't know when to quit "helping" the kids around them. You obviously know her and I don't, so you have to make your own judgement on that.

Amen! to the above. My favourite Mother-in-Law was that type. It made visits really trying! I remember on one trip home after a particular trying time, my wife remarked, "You know? I like my Mother-in-Law much better than I like yours!" By this time we had been married about 35 years, and all the kids had already left home.

Sadly, we can choose our friends, but we are handed our relatives and are stuck with them.

**staticsan** · 12th November 08, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by auld argonian

I have a few people near to me that have expressed their displeasure with my wearing the kilt...I don't wear it around them any more and when they've asked, I tell them that it's because I feel that my kilts are very special and I don't want to sully the whole thing by wearing them around people who don't like them. End of discussion.

This is good advice. Although I want to wear my kilts much more often, my immediate family are not that happy with it. So I don't.

Wade.

**SteveB** · 12th November 08, 08:27 PM

I generally wear a kilt every day. Trousers are generally not in my wardrobe. That being said, if you are invited to be in the wedding party and accept, then honour the dress of those being married at the wedding, do the rehearsal kilted. If you are invited to the wedding and accept, it would be wise to honour the dress of the couple being wed, including at the reception.
At the reception, present the groom with a special gift properly wrapped of a USAK casual in LOUD McLeod, with sporran, belt, kilt pin, sgian dubh, hose, and a proper shirt.
Assist the best man in sponsoring a kilted bachelor party at the Tilted Kilt. (Lots of photos to share at the reception)
For after the honeymoon, a family get together with all the men in kilts, and women in tartan skirts/dresses to warmly great the new hubby into the ranks.
After the party gets properly lubricated, (and the DJ is one you hired that only brought Celtic music to the party) one of the guests will dedicate a song to her of track 11 of the Meanest of Times by the Dropkick Murphys.
If you decide not to attend the wedding, or are not invited start sending via anonymous means to her hubby many Celtic themed items. A CD by Prydein Loud Pipes Save Lives with some Albannach, The Great Highland Bagpipe Competition, Dropkick Murphys.
Put her on the mailing list for the Scottish Lion, and other Celtic themed mail order houses.
Sit in N Z enjoying the whole thing with her phone number on call blocking.
But do send her Christmas cards of the family together in tartan.
Send her husband a copy of Braveheart on DVD.
If this sounds like a war, it is. My cousin would at family gatherings spend his whole time trying to deride me in front of the family for being kilted, got a like deliverance from me. His three sons all wear the kilt

with some anonymous help from you know who. He has finally relented after five years, and now wears the clan tartan kilt to most of the family events.
Winning takes patience and a little planning.
Slainte.

**LANCER1562** · 12th November 08, 04:32 PM

I agree and disagree with many of the suggestions posted. However, revenge is a dish best served cold. How about this though? I don't know how long you've been married, but if it's been at least 10 years, how about using it as an opportunity to retake your vow EXACTLY as you would have originally. Kilt, first dance, music, etc. Just so your mother can see how wonderful it could have been. Oh, and make sure your wedding party and guests are kilted. Then tell Mom you DO look back on your wedding day with only one regret. That she ruined it for you by taking over without consulting you first.

**auld argonian** · 12th November 08, 04:39 PM

Originally Posted by demolay1310

I agree and disagree with many of the suggestions posted. However, revenge is a dish best served cold. How about this though? I don't know how long you've been married, but if it's been at least 10 years, how about using it as an opportunity to retake your vow EXACTLY as you would have originally. Kilt, first dance, music, etc. Just so your mother can see how wonderful it could have been. Oh, and make sure your wedding party and guests are kilted. Then tell Mom you DO look back on your wedding day with only one regret. That she ruined it for you by taking over without consulting you first.

Okay...this is the naughty me speaking...if you're going to do that, by all means go to Vegas and get married kilted by Elvis...kilted Elvis if possible.

Best

AA