Etiquette for Young Men

[tundramanq]

Proper grooming and respect for others should have been learned and become second nature before the onset of the raging hormones. The rest is obvious to the young men with these skills. I applaud your effort to try introducing these to them after years of precedent has been established.
It effects the peer group they they have already gathered, their sense of self esteem and probable success in life.

Total side note : affect and effect are words that keep me on edge as to usage. I am never sure I have chosen the right one. My usage here is "to cause".

[Geoff Withnell]

Reminds me of my comment about my relationship with the 4-Star general who runs the agency at which I work. I work directly with him often enough that he remembers me, and I joke that we are on a first name basis. He calls me "Geoff"......... and I call him "General".

When I was growing up, the importance of 'please and thank you' was emphasised to me again and again. The equation was simple - people expected to hear please and thank you, if they did not, they would think you were rude and judge you accordingly.

The other thing is correctly addressing people (mainly men). There are roughly four groups -
Those who you call Sir,
Those who you call Mr Johnson,
Those who you can call George,
And finally those who you address as Oi, you old fart!

Once you have worked out the correct term of address and added the appropriate please or thank you - You are easily half way there to getting what you want.

For most teenage lads the problem is getting the right parents to start with, because all the really important stuff in life is learned before we go to school.

[Father Bill]

As a classroom teacher, I used to teach the children in my classes that there were three barriers in society which one did not easily cross: age, gender, and rank. While I might behave casually with other men on staff, I would not do so with children or seniors, the women teachers, the principal, or parents. Those served well for children to learn when to have on their very best behaviours.

[EagleJCS]

Total side note : affect and effect are words that keep me on edge as to usage. I am never sure I have chosen the right one. My usage here is "to cause".

Not to derail this thread, but it may be related:
Proper use of the language (this would apply to any language, not just English) is a bug-a-boo of mine. Learning how to speak and write properly in one's native language can be just as important as learning table manners and other social etiquette. Sometimes, the written word is the only way people may get to know you. (This forum is a case in point).

I hear many people these days speaking the wrong words (usually near-homophones - words that sound similar - but they may add an extra consonant at the end). E.g. "That's a great ideal!" instead of "That's a great idea!".

I also see many people misusing words in a similar manner (some of them with college degrees!) in written communications. When I see this, I get embarrassed for them (and if they are sending something out representing the group I'm in, I'm sometimes embarrassed of them). When I was younger, I would sometimes send a private note or speak to the person in an attempt to educate/correct them, but was often rebuffed - probably out of embarrassment - so I no longer do so, unless it is a child still in school and still learning proper usage. The use of heterographs (words that sound alike but are spelled differently - e.g. to, too, and two) is another situation of which to be aware.

I'm not saying I'm Mr. Perfect - I do make mistakes from time to time, but I do at least make an attempt at determining what is proper for the message I'm trying to communicate, and gratefully acknowledge correction when it's offered.

[BrMac]

I am studying under a doctor that can't spell to save her life. I know she's incredibly smart, but her communication skills (including the spelling) are lacking, and it impacts how we view her.

The point raised earlier about cell phone etiquette is an important one. My generation bridged the gap between cordless phones being a big deal and having the world's wealth of knowledge in your pocket at any time. I don't need to be glued to my phone at all times, but I have classmates who instinctively (almost reflexively) stare at their phones if they're not directly addressing you.

[Cygnus]

Thanks for all of the wonderful suggestions! I don't think I'll have the leeway or time to delve deeply into grammar, spelling, etc., but I can at least stress their importance!

How to shine shoes, modes of address, and the proper greeting are all things I had completely overlooked but will now be sure to include. Grooming was one I'd considered, but I'm curious to know what specific things you would include (e.g., pull up your trousers, how to shave, how to iron a shirt).

I'm working on a list of learning objectives - I'll be sure to post them once they're ready for your review and for additional recommendations.

Thanks again!

[Father Bill]

Thanks Cygnus; this is fun!

[andycwb]

Since this is tailored to young men, I would say that the most obvious piece of etiquette many of them lack (and the most noticeable trait when someone actually does have it) is speaking respectfully to others, especially their elders. A simple "sir" or "ma'am" goes a long way when addressing someone in a respectful manner.

I'd never, ever refer to someone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" unless they had the title to go with it. Respect is one thing, obsequiousness is another.

Andy

[Father Bill]

You might want to talk to them about picking up their feet rather than shuffling and scuffling.

[Father Bill]

I'd never, ever refer to someone as "Sir" or "Ma'am" unless they had the title to go with it. Respect is one thing, obsequiousness is another.

Andy

It's not "referring to them" that way, it's addressing them that way because it's a polite kindness.