Etiquette for Young Men

[AKScott]

Ok, read the whole thread after I've been mulling on it since day one.

1. There are certain times a young man should turn his cell phone OFF so that he can interact as a human with the person or people in whose company he delights. Young men need to learn to recognize those times. On a date, he should turn off his phone as soon as he and the date are in company since she no longer might need directions. Just turn it off and be with her.

2. I have only two sons, but I see behaving as an adult member of the household rather than an entitled teet-sucker as an important developmental milestone. 2 hour long distance phone calls, open windows in mid winter, dirty dishes in the sink next to the dishwasher and dirty laundry strewn hither and yon are all signs that the boy has not yet put away childish things...

3. Plus eleventy on personal hygiene. I am perfectly OK with young smelling like soap and sweat, cologne and sweat is nauseating.

[Laird_M]

I'd like to add a caution about the evolution of etiquette towards women. Some ladies these days don't appreciate being dealt with as though they are somehow "the weaker sex." For example, I've been berated by several girls for opening the door for them, which they are obviously quite capable of doing for themselves. The feminist theory that undergirds this is that some types of traditional etiquette reproduce unequal, patriarchal power structures that construct women as being inferior to men.

Unfortunately a few years ago I had a similar expereince. Travelling on a bus in southwest London a lady got on who was quite well on into her pregnancy. Despite having a bad knee at the time, I got up and offered her my seat. Her reaction was enough to make me get off at the next stop and walk 2 miles to my stop...

[Chas]

Two observations -

Firstly, to train young people successfully, you have to train the parents first. Unless there is backup from the home all the training in the world will come to nought. Ask any youth worker, how many times they have heard "But, my dad says/thinks/does it differently ..." In the worst case scenario, the young person is leading a kind of double life - how he acts in front of you and how he acts in front of his parents.

Secondly, by the time a person is in their teens, most of their habits are set. The Jesuits are often quoted as saying, "Give us a boy till his seventh birthday and then you can have him of life". It is often quoted, because it is true. Compassion, loyalty, respect for self and others and property - these are not bolt on extras to life. These are the character building blocks that are learned at a mother's knee. If they are not learned at that time, then it is almost impossible to instil later.

[F:Clef]

...I've been berated by several girls for opening the door for them, which they are obviously quite capable of doing for themselves...

On the other hand, some ladies love it.

"I don't open the door because you are a lady, I do so because I am a gentleman."

[Manxstralian]

"I don't open the door because you are a lady, I do so because I am a gentleman."

That's how I was taught as well.

[TheOfficialBren]

That's how I was taught as well.

I, too, was taught this as a wee boy.

[piperdbh]

One language-related proposal from me: unless you're conversationally employing a simile, leave "like" out of the sentence. I, like, know that's, like, really hard to, like, do, but if you, like, practice it, it becomes, like, normal speech. And learn some vocabulary. "Cool," "stupid", and the other 5 descriptors that most young people (and some not-so young people) use in everyday spoken English are not enough. The vocabulary one chooses to use hinders, in my opinion, that person's intellectual processes, thereby stunting his/her ability to adequately and accurately think about him/herself and the world he/she inhabits.


edited: Okay, that's two language-related proposals.