Etiquette for Young Men

[Hawk]

I agree completely. Proper etiquette and manners begins with speaking in a respectful and tactful manner. Heck, enlisting in the U.S. Marine Corps will definitely teach young men proper etiquette, in which arguably, they'll retain for the rest of their lives.

And, to add to what Kyle has shared, in tribal communities and families, one learns from a very early age certain respect and manners that appear a "foreign concept" outside of our culture. But, thank goodness, one can find many similarities to build a common foundation on when walking in someone else's community. Respect is shown in different ways......

......and I've been known to completely murder, quarter and bury the "English" language, just ask my wife......it's a pet peeve of hers......but I'm native honey, English "is" a foreign language.....( my apologies, as no Englishman or Scot were harmed in the posting of this comment hopefully.....)

Hawk

[CMcG]

I'd like to add a caution about the evolution of etiquette towards women. Some ladies these days don't appreciate being dealt with as though they are somehow "the weaker sex." For example, I've been berated by several girls for opening the door for them, which they are obviously quite capable of doing for themselves. The feminist theory that undergirds this is that some types of traditional etiquette reproduce unequal, patriarchal power structures that construct women as being inferior to men.

On the other hand, some ladies love it. I knew one girl whose theory was that women, on average, still make less money to do the same work as men, so the onus was on men to pay for meals, drinks, tickets, etc in order to make up for society's imbalance

Just being kind, helpful, polite, and considerate are good guidelines for dealing with people, regardless of their gender. Part of that consideration is knowing who one is dealing with and not insisting on etiquette that some people might actually find offensive.

[EagleJCS]

While I don't go out of my way to open doors for women (I don't speed up to get there ahead of them when walking a few steps behind them), if I happen to be walking a few steps ahead of a woman and get to the door first, I'll allow her to pass through before me. There are some exceptions, based on circumstances (the woman has her hands full, appears to be struggling with the door - windy days/heavy door, etc.). In the same vein, I'll hold the door for a guy as well.

When approaching from opposite sides of a door (particularly when they're glass doors, or doors with a window to see through to the other side), if I get there first, I'll allow a woman to pass through to my side of the door before passing through myself.

In other words, I don't take the 'open doors for women' as an absolute must-do rule in every circumstance. Etiquette guidelines are just that - guidelines - and may be bent or broken as circumstances require, but one must know them first in order to understand when they may be bent or broken.

[James Hood]

It has been this experience...

...tragic few girls who grew to womanhood have experienced the joy and confidence of choosing to become...

...ladies.

[AKScott]

Still thinking on this, two weeks and going strong.

My younger stepson just in the last week went to a going away party in a pub, realized his designated driver was intoxicated, took car keys from the inebriated, lost a physical altercation with the inebriated, and then phoned the police when intoxicated drove away with re-purloined car keys. Now he is ahem, violating rule #11 since the alleged was released from his 72 hour pre-trial incarceration this morning.

Polish is a fine thing to apply to a young man, but if the basics aren't there you are wasting your time. I have been thinking pretty hard about three quotes this week...

"If not us, who? and if not now, when?"

"You've got to stand for something or you will fall for anything."

"All it takes for evil to flourish is for good men to stand by and do nothing..."

I've got to say I don't much care if my son wears lumberjack sized checks in his tattersall shirt, he is going to do fine.

[AKScott]

While I don't go out of my way to open doors for women...

Now that I am married I open every door for my wife every time. I have instructed her to wait for me to do so, which she does. Setting a good example for both the sons and the daughters. find a spouse you care this much about...

I don't open doors for my daughters unless they are in procession so to speak with my wife. Other lasses in the general public, I will hold the door if it would clearly be a snub not too; when in doubt my wife is the one for whom I open doors.

[AKScott]

Ok, read the whole thread after I've been mulling on it since day one.

1. There are certain times a young man should turn his cell phone OFF so that he can interact as a human with the person or people in whose company he delights. Young men need to learn to recognize those times. On a date, he should turn off his phone as soon as he and the date are in company since she no longer might need directions. Just turn it off and be with her.

2. I have only two sons, but I see behaving as an adult member of the household rather than an entitled teet-sucker as an important developmental milestone. 2 hour long distance phone calls, open windows in mid winter, dirty dishes in the sink next to the dishwasher and dirty laundry strewn hither and yon are all signs that the boy has not yet put away childish things...

3. Plus eleventy on personal hygiene. I am perfectly OK with young smelling like soap and sweat, cologne and sweat is nauseating.

[Laird_M]

I'd like to add a caution about the evolution of etiquette towards women. Some ladies these days don't appreciate being dealt with as though they are somehow "the weaker sex." For example, I've been berated by several girls for opening the door for them, which they are obviously quite capable of doing for themselves. The feminist theory that undergirds this is that some types of traditional etiquette reproduce unequal, patriarchal power structures that construct women as being inferior to men.

Unfortunately a few years ago I had a similar expereince. Travelling on a bus in southwest London a lady got on who was quite well on into her pregnancy. Despite having a bad knee at the time, I got up and offered her my seat. Her reaction was enough to make me get off at the next stop and walk 2 miles to my stop...

[Chas]

Two observations -

Firstly, to train young people successfully, you have to train the parents first. Unless there is backup from the home all the training in the world will come to nought. Ask any youth worker, how many times they have heard "But, my dad says/thinks/does it differently ..." In the worst case scenario, the young person is leading a kind of double life - how he acts in front of you and how he acts in front of his parents.

Secondly, by the time a person is in their teens, most of their habits are set. The Jesuits are often quoted as saying, "Give us a boy till his seventh birthday and then you can have him of life". It is often quoted, because it is true. Compassion, loyalty, respect for self and others and property - these are not bolt on extras to life. These are the character building blocks that are learned at a mother's knee. If they are not learned at that time, then it is almost impossible to instil later.

[F:Clef]

...I've been berated by several girls for opening the door for them, which they are obviously quite capable of doing for themselves...

On the other hand, some ladies love it.

"I don't open the door because you are a lady, I do so because I am a gentleman."