The "Don of Fear"

[CMcG]

...admiration sparks a feeling of pride--of identity...

Yet, despite this pride and admiration, I find it difficult to wear my kilt even in appropriate settings for fear of criticism, snide remarks, and negative attention....

I doubt that I am alone. Can anyone else relate to this feeling--the "don of fear" (being afraid to wear it)? Maybe most of you have grown past this fear and proudly sport your colors anytime of day. What can you say for the rest of us? Can you share any stories of your first time wearing your kilt?

Hold onto that feeling of pride and identity, but don't discount a healthy fear of social censure. The first time I wore the kilt was to junior high school graduation (9th grade) and it was awesome, but the kilt was borrowed. When I eventually got my own kit together, I tried wearing it out and about on random occasions and it was OK, but somehow didn't feel quite right. It's not that people were being critical, negative, or rude, but it certainly drew a lot of attention, which I don't always want.

These days I find plenty of events (or excuses!) to wear the kilt at Scottish, Irish, Canadian, Celtic, or multicultural events that are tartan friendly, as well as weddings and the like. It also helps having gathered a lot of good sartorial advice from Xmarks over the years because I can usually pick an appropriate style of dress and level of formality, which helps to defray any naysayers' negativity.

There's no need to be paralyzed by the "don of fear." Try using it to guide good judgment about whether a kilt fits with an event or social situation, then make sure you are well dressed and kilt on!

[KentuckyCeltophile]

Hey Willow,
It probabley is a confidence thing. I love my kilt and wear it around the house at times..but when it comes to wearing it out….yikes. maybe a bit agoraphobic.

About Culloden….It was really misty and cloudy that day. Very somber.

[Derek]

One day while your home wearing your kilt, just take a deep breath and walk out the front door and go to your local store to get whatever and then come back again. I think you will find your own mind is worrying far more than the people you will pass and see and who are too busy going about their own lives to worry about what you are wearing. Your confidence will soon build up. Do it on the spur of the moment.
Iechyd Da
Derek

[Manxstralian]

One day while your home wearing your kilt, just take a deep breath and walk out the front door and go to your local store to get whatever and then come back again. I think you will find your own mind is worrying far more than the people you will pass and see and who are too busy going about their own lives to worry about what you are wearing. Your confidence will soon build up. Do it on the spur of the moment.
Iechyd Da
Derek

I got comfortable wearing the kilt by looking out the window and thinking "light/no breeze, perfect kilting weather!" and heading out without concern. The first time was nerve wracking, but you'll find if you walk with confidence you'll scarcely get a second look, especially if your accessories fit the activity (a P.C. at the supermarket might look a bit odd). The most I get these days is "nice kilt" from old folks, and "Are you off to a wedding?". The occasional smart comment from people, but I stopped caring what others thought when I started thinking for myself. A supportive partner is a HUGE plus though, I still get the occasional rolled eyes, but that seems to be more related to concern for what others think.

Walk tall, and remember "Swish + Swagger = Swoon".

Cheers,

Cameron

[Geoff Withnell]

.
...
4. My wife will hold onto me more. I think to say this is mine get your own. lol

It is not uncommon in situations such as a mall or a busy side walk for a lady to call out "I love a man in a kilt". My wife Michele has taken to replying "So do I! This one. Get your own!"

[auld argonian]

I find that I wear the kilt less often these days….not sure if it's me or the people around me. Example would be my daughter's recent graduation…I picked up a nice blue suit (On sale…pay retail? Hell, no.) and joked with my wife that I'd be wearing the suit to graduation rather than the kilt and "aren't you glad?"…then I get the "well, that's good because YOU SHOULDN'T DISTRACT ATTENTION FROM DAUGHTER". That's the problem for me: I think that wearing the kilt is appropriate and that the rest of the world should look upon it as me showing up in my "best" and be complimented by that BUT it seems like way too many people think that it's a ploy to steal the spotlight from the party in whose honor the entertainment is being given. Really?

All I can figger is that some people look at it as some kind of middle-aged cry for attention while I just enjoy wearing it and think it looks good…same attitude that I have about any of my other clothing options. So Fear To Don? Only because I'm tired of listening to people accuse me of something that I'm not guilty of. Too bad for them….

Best

AA

[The Wizard of BC]

KentuckyCeltophile,

If I may. You very eloquently stated that you know the reason why you want to wear a kilt. I suggest you are already far ahead of some of us who wear it everyday. I, myself, do not have much of a Scottish background. I was not raised to know anything about Scotland or its heritage.

Your reason why is already far stronger than mine.

You also state that you have the support of your wife. Mine looked at me the first time I put a kilt on with that "Oh, my God, what it that?" look.

Again you are already far ahead of me.

Yes, we do show to the world who and what we are by how we dress. If we dress as others do, we tell the world we wish to conform, to fit in, to blend into the background and not make waves.
Let me give you an example from my own life.

I am a just past middle aged, white, N. American male. If I wear trousers I am just another guy on the street. No on looks directly at me and no one comes up and speaks to me. If a small child is standing in the middle of the mall, lost and crying, I cannot approach that child. For all the world knows I could be a pedophile. My wife could approach them, but I can't.
I cannot approach a lone young woman on the street for any reason. I would immediatly raise warning bells and appear as a threat stepping out of the faceless crowd.

When I began to wear the kilt I noticed a change. Not in myself but in the reaction of those around me. I could smile and say hello to a stranger as I passed them on the street and lo and behold, they would say hi back.
I could be out shopping and people would actually walk up to me a strike up a conversation. I had never had that happen while wearing trousers.
Women would smile and some would actually approach me. As Geoff Withnell says, sometimes I would get the "I love a man in a kilt". And then my wife got to use the "I do too and this one is mine." line.

Every once in a while I put pants on and walk down the street. The reaction I get from other people is completely different from the reaction I would get if I had worn my kilt.

In a kilt I am no longer just an old guy on the street.

If you would like look at it as a science experiment. Put on your kilt. Ask your wife to walk about 15 feet behind you and stroll down your local main street. It's OK for this one time 'cause you can say your in a costume.

After a while stop and ask your wife how those you passed in the street reacted to the guy in a kilt. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. Those you pass will have smiled, they would have noticed, not just you but what you now represent.

If fact I would bet that you will get at least one chance to tell someone else about the tingly feeling you felt standing on Culloden Moor.

And is that not the reason why you want to wear the kilt in the first place?

[duke_19_62]

Well stated. I wear mine on special occasions, and after reading this thread, I may wear it more often, just because.

[Elf]

Very enjoyable reading everyone's comments. One point I would like to add. I this learned long ago when dressed for a folk dance performance. If someone was staring, I would wave. They would either be taken aback and stop, or wave back and happily go on their day. This works with the kilt too, even as recently as yesterday.

Happy kilting.

[Benning Boy]

Much has been said about confidence. I've deliberately done things throughout my life where I risked embarrassment, or at the very least some sort of wise crack about my performance. It's helped build overall confidence. However the first time I wore a kilt outdoors, I chose to stroll through a nearby park that was little visited, just to get the feel of it. I didn't quite have the confidence yet to be that deviant. I asked myself, if a man in a kilt is a man and a half, what then is a man who is afraid to put on a kilt? I took the plunge. Now I wear a kilt whenever I feel like it, sometimes on very windy days. I've had my Marlyn Monroe moments. I just go all SAS on the world: Who Dares Wins.

Imagine yourself walking down a sidewalk, or through a mall or store. When someone looks you in the eye, do you look away, or do you meet their gaze and respond socially in some way? The confident person is the one who looked you in the eye. If you looked away, you let them dominate the interaction, you were submissive, not confident. If you were also confident you would have looked them in the eye as equals. When you're out in your kilt, control the situation. Swagger. Keep your head up. Be the first to look others in the eye. Never look away. Smile. Say hello. Fake it if you have too. Faked confidence soon morphs into real confidence.


A man in a kilt has less reason to be embarrassed than those grown men who happily put on calf-length baggy clown pants and think their tackiness is kewl, dude.