Divorce in my future?

[cavscout]

Do you think this has anything to do with your recent move? Is she happy in New York? Could she want to return to the South?

I she the kind of woman who would bluff to see if you are willing to fight for her? Just food for thought.

Otherwise, it appears to me that when a woman makes a decision to take this road she is probably already commited to it. She has probably already begun making arrangements.

I encourage you to make an effort to remain in your marriage. But you must also be true to yourself.

Wisdom and Grace BBQ

[JohnL]

As you can tell I don't post on this board much. I do however read it ever day and really enjoy it. I'll give the advice you need, if my wife did this and really means no strings attached.

On the way to work this morning, she calls me on my cell phone and offers a separation/divorce and for me to move out with no strings attached - and doesn't seem to want to discuss this trust issue

Take her up on ASPA and run as far as possible. Don't give her a chance to change her mind.

JohnL.

[GMan]

No advice, just an offer up of my friendship.

Glen

[Sherry]

I think it's worth a heroic effort to try to save your marriage. Beg her to go to counselling with you. If one counsellor doesn't work out, try another. If you don't have a minister, finding one could benefit you both.

You can't change another person. You can only control your own actions. She may not agree to counselling, but you'll at least know that you gave it an honest effort.

All the best to you,
Sherry

[Raphael]

It seems that she drifted away from the marriage, and I am afraid that probably started before your new job and your relocation.

[MacConnachie]

When I first separated from my ex 5 years-and-change ago, a friend gave me some very good advice as I struggled with my emotions, commitments, etc. The ex had been married three times before, and I had assiduously avoided such commitment (yes, those of you detecting a pattern are more than likely correct).

The advice was, essentially, "People get married for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. You'll have to figure out which applies to you."

Some of the best advice I EVER received. It was all-but-over for the two of us, and I just had to come to grips with that. It took months and months, and I still miss that woman, occasionally. . .

Best of Luck. Find a good friend somewhere who you can talk to about this, with no judgment on that person's part -- just an empathetic listener. However it works out for you, I wish you well.

Mac

[Mike1]

Mac, I can relate to how you still miss her (been there), but the one thing we always have to remember is that when we are standing and looking at a closed door, we are missing all the other doors that are opening around us.

[David White]

Hi All,

So now, the issue of trust, and her belief that I am doing something illicit and wrong on the computer has reared its ugly head again.... I will add that one of her best friends' husbands is an unemployed computer geek who is addicted to internet porn, so that doesn't help.

Mediation, Mediation, mediation.....

Everyone surfs the net.
Why does your wife fear that you are looking at porn??
I think there is much more thats meets the eye.

dave

[Alan H]

I'm sorry. I'd agree with the counselor suggestions. It's a good idea, been there, done that and while it did me no good at all, it helped my wife, so it was worth it.

Only you know whether she has just cause to not trust your online time. I can't even begin to comment on that.

If she pitches "divorce or separation, no options, my way or no way" with utterly no room for discussion, well.... that's not Love, my friend. Only you know how or why the realtionship got to a point where she'd say that.

good luck, mate. This is tough. I've very nearly been where you are, now.

[macsim]

I'm so sorry to hear about this. It's hard to say from the brief info given here and I'm no expert anyway, but it sounds like there is something going on that goes beyond the computer. The compter may be a symptom or a convenient "fall guy" but I doubt it is the root cause. I'd bet there is more to it. I would say with several others here to try counseling. A marriage is a sacred bond and breaking that bond should never be done in haste. I will say this - I don't know what your religious beliefs may be but I have had friends who went to secular counselors and the focus is generally on how you "feel," what will make you "feel better," what do you want, do what's right for you, etc. A good minister or Christian counselor (and granted, not all of them are good just as secular counselors aren't all bad) should focus on keeping you together and finding and healing the problem(s). It won't be easy but what in life that is worth having is ever easy? If you save your marriage the rewards will far outweigh any hardship. Hang in there my brother.