Joke about a Scot

[Graham]

my kids are always telling me they've hear me tell a joke before.

[Jerry]

Here are a few one liners.

There are two things a Scot likes naked.
One of them is malt whisky!

Scotland suffers from only one thing - too much England

A Scot is the only man on earth who would step over the bodies of a dozen bronzed naked beauties just to get to a glass of whiskey.

[way2fractious]

Now, y'all, just back off and give Graham a chance to continue practicing for grandfatherhood!

[TimC]

...I'll laugh the next time you tell it as well

[Nick]

A Scottish woman was riding on the top of a bus when she dropped two pence off the side. She dived after the money, and was immediately hit and killed by another bus.

The coroner who examined her body found she died of natural causes.

[UmAnOnion]

found this on the Scot Web Site regarding the reputation Scots have for 'frugality'
Good for a chuckle or two (or could start a flame war knowing this bunch )...

1 Copper wire was invented by two Scots fighting over a penny.
2 They heat knives in Scottish restaurants, so you don't use too much butter.
3 A Scotsman never buys an address book. He scores out the people he doesn't know in a telephone directory.
4 Scotsmen started wearing skirts because it was free for women to get into the football.
5 To avoid paying his fare, a Scot invented hiding in a train's toilet.
6 A Scot diving in a puddle to retrieve a five pence piece created Loch Lomond.
7 The most common ailment in Scottish hospitals is backache caused by locals stretching for their wallets.
8 A Scotsman goes to a wedding with elastic on his confetti.
9 If a Scotsman takes a coin out his sporran the queen blinks.
10 A Scotsman invented a cure for seasickness. He leant over the side of a boat with a ten pence in his mouth.

[Iolaus]

10 A Scotsman invented a cure for seasickness. He leant over the side of a boat with a ten pence in his mouth.

That one had me laughing out loud!

[auld argonian]

Perhaps the oldest one I remember hearing is:

The limbo was invented by a Scotsman trying to get into a pay-toilet.

Best

AA

[GlassMan]

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scot walk into a pub. Each orders a pint of beer. Now the pub wasn't the most reputable place and was also not the cleanest. Rather quickly a fly landed in each of their beers. Now the Englishman looked down at his beer and upon seeing the fly shoved it away in disgust. Then the Irishman looked in his beer, picked the fly out and then continued to drink. But they both looked over when the Scot reached into his beer, carefully picked the fly out, and then began tapping on it's back while yelling "Spit It Out, Spit It Out!"

[Jerry]

Here is another one I found this morning:

A very popular scotsman dies in glasgow and his old widow wishes to tell all his friends at once so she goes to the newspaper and says
"I'd like tae place an obituary fur ma late husband" The man at the desk says "OK, how much money dae ye have?"
The old woman replies "£5" to which the man says "You wont get many words for that but write something and we'll see if it's ok" so the old woman writes something and hands it over the counter and the man reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid, deid"
He feels guilty at the abruptness of the statement and encourages the old woman to write a few more things. The old woman ponders and then adds a few more words and hand the paper over the counter again. The man then reads "Peter Reid, fae Parkheid deid. Ford Escort for sale"

And another:

A Scotsmen and a Jewish man were having a magnificent meal at one of the finest restaurants in New York .At the end of the evening the waiter came over to present the check and a Scottish voice said "that's all right laddie just gae the check to me". The headlines in the local newspaper next day proclaimed "Jewish ventriloquist found beaten to death".