I would like to visit Canada

[Macman]

Ha, ha! That was very well-put, David. I am not a "sportsman", but I hope you find someone on the board who you can view waterfowl with!

[acstoon]

These questions about Canada were actually posted on an international
Tourism Website.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow?
(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to
contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list
of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What, did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada?(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that
big country to your North . . . .oh forget it. Sure the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the ViennaBoys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is. .oh forget it.
Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Calgary,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year
round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget it's
name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the
brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare by spraying
yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canadain 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Sylvain]

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

Yes, you will, but it doesn't mean you will be understood...

[davedove]

Will I be able to speak English most places I go?

Actually, you can speak English anywhere you go. It doesn't mean anyone will understand you though.

You can also speak Spanish, or French, or Swahili, etc.

I'll try and remember to ask about Daffy tomorrow.

Duck season!
Rabbit season!
Duck season!
Rabbit season!

[Riverkilt]

Canada looks better and better every day...

I thought you were asking about getting you and the pups in and getting out...or rather getting back into the U.S. when done....certainly something to be sure of first.


Drunk in a bar, "Hey buddy, you're new here, where are you from?"

New guy, "Saskatoon, Saskatchewan"

Drunk, "You don't speak English eh?"