Mad as hell!

[beloitpiper]

I have never worn it in her presence. She has never seen me in it. That makes her incredulity that much more dumbfounding.

Maybe that's why she's confused. Maybe because she actually thinks it's a skirt, but once she sees that it is a kilt she'll understand. It's up to you whether you wear it to her party, but I think talking to her, telling her that's it's a kilt and that you wear because of your heritage she'll understand.

[Abax]

I'd echo much of the advice you've already received, but couched in different words. Reactions like hers are often based in fear. Ask her what bad thing she is afraid will happen as the result of you wearing a kilt. You'll probably be able to assuage her fears. Also consider that what you've heard from others may not be exactly accurate, so ask her directly about what she's saying and thinking. Finally, even nice people can act rudely with a little too much alcohol. Could this have influenced her behavior at a dinner or party?

I don't agree with the sentiment that you're not ready to wear a kilt. I'd hope the responses you receive here help you in that endeavor, not discourage you.

Abax

[DireStraitsFan]

I'd echo much of the advice you've already received, but couched in different words. Reactions like hers are often based in fear. Ask her what bad thing she is afraid will happen as the result of you wearing a kilt. You'll probably be able to assuage her fears. Also consider that what you've heard from others may not be exactly accurate, so ask her directly about what she's saying and thinking. Finally, even nice people can act rudely with a little too much alcohol. Could this have influenced her behavior at a dinner or party?

I don't agree with the sentiment that you're not ready to wear a kilt. I'd hope the responses you receive here help you in that endeavor, not discourage you.

Abax

Thanks very much. I appreciate it.

***

By the way, just to clear something up, I had no intention of wearing the kilt to her party. I was just mentioning that I was going to see her soon, and the topic of the kilt is still a sore subject with me. So, I am afraid of how I might react to any comments she will make. That was the only reason I mentioned the party.

Thanks everyone.

[Makeitstop]

Well, if she's never seen you in it, and all she's heard from others is that you're wearing a skirt, then maybe it's time for her to see how you look in said "skirt". Once she sees for herself that you aren't trying to look like a school-girl, she's likely to change her opinion -- or not. But at least then her opinion is based on something other than hearsay and you can have a realistic conversation about it.

This I think is very true. If she hasn't seen the kilt, she is probably picturing some sort of cartoonish exaggeration. It seems less likely that she has serious issues with the kilt, but more like she just doesn't get it. To her kilts are probably an abstract concept seen only on tv, or in a parade. She probably has no idea that kilts can just be regular clothing.

If she sees you in a kilt she will probably think you look silly. But if she continues to see you in a kilt, it will (hopefully) sink in that this isn't a costume or some outrageous cry for attention, but rather just another way to cover your reproductive organs.

Think of it this way. If I told you I was wearing lederhosen, you would most likely picture a silly costume or stereotype, rather than just think of it as shorts with suspenders which could actually be made to look fairly mundane by comparison.

Hell, let's take this a bit further. I've been known to wear armor and/or dress like a ninja. It can actually be done without looking all that silly (different for sure, but not silly) but can you picture it without thinking of something that you might on some level want to make fun of or tell a friend about it? Probably not.

So when someone who is not accustomed to the kilt here's about a friend wearing some weird manskirt, that reaction is not too hard to understand. Insensitive perhaps, but not inexplicable.

[Rigged]

I kinda wish you would wear it to the party if only to show that you're not doing anything to be ashamed of. If you could meet her kilted before the party, you'd have the opportunity to discuss it pre-event and make your clothing decision based on that.

And some people don't get it and won't get it no matter what you do.

[Mark Keeney]

Talk to her privately to show her some respect for her. Do it very soon so it doesn't grow to more than it is. When you talk to her offer to meet her privately again in the kilt so she can see what it looks like on you for real. Be sure she knows in a non judgmental fashion how the situation makes you feel and that you really want to wear the kilt and remain her good friend, then ask her what you two can do about the situation. Make her an equal partner in the problem and solution.

[Coinneach]

Since she's never seen you in the kilt, the image in her head is overwhelming her senses. She may be imagining you mowing the lawn in a formal prince charlie. Whatever it is, if she brings it up at the party, you need to pull her aside for a few minutes and let her know that the two of you will talk about it later, but for now it's inappropriate to go on about something she admittedly doesn't understand.

Arrange a lunch meeting sometime between the two of you (or with you and your wife) where you can wear your kilt and she can see for herself. Until she gets a real image to replace the one in her head she's not going to have a chance of understanding.

[Freedomlover]

Some people have hangups (for lack of a better term) at levels that the common man can not begin to comprehend. I'd say the problem is hers, not yours. If others of her friends have tried to assuage her without result I am confident that there is little or nothing you can do to change her mind. Let it slide. You are not the keeper of her conscience, nor are you required to adjust your comfort level just to suit her.

Several others of the esteemed members have also offered cogent advice. Perhaps a combination of tactics will work a change in her. Or not.

[gilmore]

I agree with Rocky and Rampant. Have a chat with her, tell her how you comments make you feel. If she is truly your friend, she wouldn't make derogatory comments about you behind your back. And if she is your friend, she will be supportive, whether you wear a kilt, are transvestite or transexual, or whatever. Real friendship isn't conditioned on things like that.

It happens that people change over the years. It is rare that high school friends remain friends for life. People change, drift apart and move on, and thoughtlessness such as your friend's is often the reason.

[CameronTaylor]

Maybe if your friend Jim had called it a kilt when he told her about it she would have gotten a different picture in her head.
Since you say she's never seen you in it, she's going by what he told her.
To me there are two people that need to be talked to.

Take the "I'm not gay or a cross-dresser" comments along with you. We understand all that, I tend to believe they don't.


CT - good luck, do as you see fit