Appropriety? (funeral)

**RamsayClanCommish** · 26th February 09, 12:18 PM

For me, I think it is what is on your heart on not what is on your body that matters in any occassion be it wedding or funeral. I bristle at the notion some have that kilts are "clownish", "costumey", or just "inappropriate". My standard response? "With all due respect...go to Hell."

I have worn my kilt to various occassions not to make a statement or show off, but because I consider my kilt the finest piece of attire I own. I feel good wearing it, I am proud of my heritage and thus the kilt is part of who I am as a person, and it is a damn fine garment. When I show up at a event in my kilt it is because I am wearing my finest and showing the event or the person it honors the highest respect.

As for funerals and wedding...how many times have I went to see people in blue jeans or everyday clothes and not even wearing a tie? Yet these same people will snicker and thumb their nose at a kilt? Once again, "Go to Hell."

And when you go to such an event, are you going to worry about what some person will think or going to honor your friend or relative? You are not ashamed of who you are or what you wear and hopefully whoever you lay to rest accepted you and your choices as well. To go and not be kilted because of outside pressure seems a shame when all you want to do is pay the highest respects.

**piperdbh** · 26th February 09, 12:26 PM

As a 'piper, I don't have much choice about what to wear to a funeral that I'm playing for. For "non-working" funerals, I say wear what you want, and go to honor the deceased. And while we're talking about that, I want to have my funeral before I die. That way, I can hear the good things folks have to say about me. Both of them.

There are only 2 or 3 in my family who are even interested in ancestry, and I'm the only kiltie on either side, and of the 4 family funerals I've attended in the last 10 years, I've played for all 4 of them. Folks probably wonder if the kilt and jacket and fly plaid and "them long socks" are my "funeral suit".

**MacMillan of Rathdown** · 26th February 09, 05:20 PM

Sartorially speaking, the only items of attire really required of a gentleman attending a funeral are a white shirt and black tie.

**Sammac** · 26th February 09, 05:42 PM

I have been to funerals kilted, and usually wear black hose, jacket, white shirt and a plain dark green tie. Not to much tartan unless it's family.

**The Barry** · 26th February 09, 05:58 PM

I would wear a kilt to a funeral, depending on where it is. If it was at a church or especially a cathedral, I would go kilted. If it was a less formal event, I might forgo the kilt, as it would be too formal, not because it happens to be unbifurcated.

**O'Callaghan** · 26th February 09, 06:35 PM

To sum up then, your kilt should be either plain black, or something dark, or related to the deceased in some way. I don't see how anyone could disagree with that, and that's mostly based on the advice of our Scottish members. That even allows for the case where you have a rather loud tartan in common with the deceased, whether the deceased ever wore it or not.

**pastorsteve** · 26th February 09, 06:46 PM

[QUOTE=davedove;678961]I think the biggest factor should be respect for the occasion. That should guide your manner of dress and what tartan you might wear.

If you are wearing a bright tartan to stand out and be noticed, that does not fit my idea of respect. It shouldn't be about you. QUOTE]

***. The kilt should not be a distraction.

**JSFMACLJR** · 26th February 09, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by O'Callaghan

To sum up then, your kilt should be either plain black, or something dark, or related to the deceased in some way. I don't see how anyone could disagree with that, and that's mostly based on the advice of our Scottish members. That even allows for the case where you have a rather loud tartan in common with the deceased, whether the deceased ever wore it or not.

I'm not so certain everybody agrees with you here, with regard to wearing a "plain black (kilt), or something dark, or related to the deceased." I certainly would not wear a black kilt! Don't even own one, and until not too long ago didn't know they even existed! As Jock Scot pointed out, at the funeral of the late Chief of the MacLeods, there certainly were some loud tartans in the crowd. Same at the funeral of the late Livingstone of Bachuil, and of Cameron of Lochiel. At the burial of my father I chose to wear the MacLean hunting tartan, not because it was "dark" or sombre, but because it was a daytime event and I usually wear that tartan during the day. Others in the family wore the red MacLean tartan. No big deal. Some clans do not have a darker tartan to choose from. Surely this cannot be faulted! I find this talk of wearing a black kilt all rather macabre and bordering on fantasy. One wears one's tartan, no? (okay, I know many of you don't adhere to this...but please see my point!)

**Bugbear** · 26th February 09, 09:31 PM

I understand what you're saying, JSFMACLJR. I have know idea why one would wear a genaric black kilt in place of one's tartan if one has a tartan. In the back of my mind, I recall something about there being black tartans, but that is a little different.

* that didn't make sense, so I'll rewrite it*

Maybe this is a misunderstanding coming from not having a clan tartan, or something like a clan tartan of one's own.

**Zardoz** · 26th February 09, 10:14 PM

I don't mean to hijack this thread but it made me think again about something I have wondered about before, but never seen discussed;

What if any, are anyone's thoughts, or any known customs regarding, Highland attire for the deceased? If you preplanned your funeral, would you want to be dressed in your finest?