A ... walks into a ... thread

[Mr. Kilt]

A bear walks into a bar in Banff and asks the bartender for a beer.
"Forget it!" says the bartender, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Banff.
"Well, if you don't serve me a beer, I'll go over and eat that woman that sitting there", says the bear.
"Do what you will, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Banff", says the bartender.
So, the bear wanders over to the table and promptly chows down on the poor woman who was sitting there. He finishes up and wanders back to the bartender.
"There! Now can I have a beer?"
"Nope, sorry. We don't serve beer to drug-addict bears in bars in Banff", replies the bartender.
"Drug addict?? What are you talking about?" says the bear.
"Well, don't you know that was a barbituate?"

[McMurdo]

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

[Panache]

A piece of string walks in to a bar

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar and walks back in

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar and walks back in

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar. It unravels its top and tangles itself up and returns into the bar.

The bartender says "Hey aren't you that piece of string?"

It replies "Frayed knot"


Cheers

Jamie

[McMurdo]

A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

[Sionnach]

A dyslexic walks into a bra.

and then there was the dyslexic agnostic who was not sure whether or not there was a- dog

[Ozman1944]

A drunk returns to a bar and asks the bartender;
"How big are Penguins?"
The Bartender answers; "Oh about eighteen inches or so"
Drunk says; "Are you sure? no bigger than that?"
"Well" says the Bartender, "there are King Penguins, I think they're about three feet or so".
"None taller?" pleaded the drunk.
"No, that's the biggest there is"
"O Lord!" wailed the drunk; "Then I've just back over a Nun with my truck!"

[Squeaky McMurdo]

A great Dane sits down at the bar and tells the barkeep, "I'll have a Scotch and...............water"

The barkeep asks, "Why the long pause?"

The dogs looks down at his feet and says, "These? I've had them all my life."

[The F-H.C.A.G.]

and then there was the dyslexic agnostic who was not sure whether or not there was a- dog

I've heard this as, "What do you get when you cross an agnostic with an insomniac and a dyslexic?"














Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a Dog!

Be well,

P.S. I'm the one who tells the "Frayed Knot" joke, dear!

[McMurdo]

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

[JRB]

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says to him, "Hey, we've got a drink named after you?"
The Grasshopper replies, "Oh, you've got a drink named Steve?"