A ... walks into a ... thread

[Tony Miles]

an Irish man walks out of a bar............ hey, it could happen

[KiltedBrewer]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve food here."

[Arizona Scot]

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe after 3 or 4 drinks the giraffe passes out. The man has a couple more and gets up to leave, the bar keep says hey you can't leave the layin' there. The man looks down and says thats no layin' it's a giraffe.

[Doftya]

A man walks into a bar and orders a whiskey, drinks it down, takes a deep breath and looks into his shirt pocket. Then he orders another drink, drinks it down, takes a deep breath, and look into his shirt pocket. This goes on for a number of drinks. The barkeep asks "Why is that that you order a whiskey, drink it down, take a deep breath, then look into your shirt pocket?"

The man replies, "I've got a picture of my wife in there, I'm going home when she looks good."

[tarpondboy]

One day an Irishman, who had been stranded on a deserted island for
over 10 years, saw a speck on the horizon.

He thought to himself, "It's certainly not a ship"

As the speck got closer and closer, he began to rule out even the possibilities of a small boat or a raft.

Suddenly there strode from the surf a figure clad in a black wet suit.

Putting aside the scuba tanks and mask, then zipping down the top of the wet suit, there in front of him stood a drop-dead gorgeous blonde woman!

She walked up to the stunned Irishman and said to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?"

"Ten years," replied the amazed Irishman.

With that, she reached over and unzipped a waterproof pocket on the left sleeve of her wet suit and pulled out a fresh package of cigars and a lighter.

He took a cigar, slowly lit it, and took a long drag.

"Faith and begorrah," said the castaway, "that is so good! I'd almost forgotten how great a smoke can be!"

"An how long has it been since you've had a drop of good Bushmill's Irish Whiskey ?" asked the blonde.

Trembling, the castaway replied, "Ten years."

Hearing that, the blonde reached over to her right sleeve, unzipped a pocket there and removed a flask and handed it to him.

He opened the flask and took a long drink. " 'Tis nectar of the gods!" shouted the Irishman. "Tis truly fantastic!!!"

At this point the gorgeous blonde started to slowly unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle.
She looked at the trembling man and asked, "And how long has it been since you played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the Irishman fell to his knees and sobbed,
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got a set of golf clubs in
there , too!"

[Colonel MacNeal]

A catholic priest, a rabbi, and a dog walk into a bar,
The priest says "I would like a wee Irish whiskey"
The rabbi says "I would like a glass of kosher wine"
The dog says "Just give me a beer"
The bartender says "Holy Cow - a talking Dog!"

[ohneplo]

A snake slithers into a bar and the bartender says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you."
"Why not?" asks the snake.
The bartender says, "Because you obviously can't hold your liquor."

[Colonel MacNeal]

An Irish newspaper once issued a challenge to its readers to plot a course from one end of Dublin to the other without passing a pub, tavern or bar. After several weeks of failed attempts, one clever fellow wrote in "It is possible to walk through the entire City of Dublin without passing a single bar - you must go into every one!"

[Mr. Kilt]

Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde. She seems truly smitten with Bob, hanging on his every word. His buddies are aghast.

At the first opportunity, they ask, "Jeez' Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?" says Bob, "She's my wife!"

Shocked, they ask how he persuaded her to marry him.

"I lied about my age," says Bob.

"What, did you tell her you were only 50?" they ask.

"No," says Bob with a sly smile. "I told her I was 90."

[vinhen2]

One day an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their drink, three flies landed in each of their pints and were stuck in the thick head.


The Englishman pushed his pint away in disgust.


The Irishman fished the fly out of his drink, and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.


The Scotsman, too, picked the fly out of his Guinness, but held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!"