Glasgow Rangers manager Walter Smith flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the lad to come over to Scotland.

Two weeks later, Rangers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left.

Walter gives the young Iraqi striker the nod, and on he goes.

The lad is a sensation and scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers.

The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the pitch, he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football.

'Hello Mum, guess what?' he says. 'I played for 20 minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybody loves me, the boss, the fans, the media, they all love me'.

'Wonderful', says his Mum, 'let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters - and all the while you were having such a great time !!'.

The young lad is very upset. 'What can I say Mum, except that I am very sorry?'

Sorry?!!!' says his Mum. 'It's your ***** fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place'!!