A muscian walks into a bar...

[Lachlan09]

Here’s a corny old schoolboy cartoon joke. A cruise liner has gone down in mid-ocean and floating on the waves are two of the ship’s orchestra, the double bass player, sitting astride his bass and the drummer, sitting on top of his bass drum. The bass player says to the drummer “I wonder whatever happened to the piccolo player ?”

[jgcunningham]

Do you know the one about the soprano captured in the Far Pacific by cannibals?
She says, “You can’t kill me and eat me, I’m a soprano.”
The chief says, “Oh, yeah? Prove it. If you are, we’ll let you go. Sing something.”
The soprano says, “What? Sing something? Without my jewels, without my gown, without my fee?”
The chief says, "Yep, she's a soprano, let her go."




What's the difference between a kidnapper and a soprano?

You can negotiate with a kidnapper.

[ohiopiper]

Definition of "perfect pitch"?

Throwing a bagpipe and hitting an acordian.

[HarborSpringsPiper]

I love puns, what can I say . . .

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"

"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.

"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string. It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."

A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.

"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't you see?

It's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the bassists are loaded."