HA! the under the kilt questions when i was single were a lot easier....plus, some ended up quite nicely. i usually just said why don't you find out for yourself to the ladies. but hey, i was single and young back then. so all's fair as they say, right? to the gents i'd ask "honestly, do you really want to know?" while giving them are you kidding me look.

as for is there a parade? i have no real good comeback on hand for that. if i thought about it i'd probably come back with something like, "no (pause and look at whomever is asking the question like sizing them up) is there a stupid convention in town or something?