Clever Comebacks

**Ruanaidh** · 30th January 10, 06:25 PM

Originally Posted by rollerboy_1979

"Is there a parade or something?"

"Today's a celtic holiday". If they ask which one, tell them the day of the week or every day's a celtic holiday.

**rollerboy_1979** · 30th January 10, 09:18 PM

Originally Posted by mull

It's a fine line between clever and antagonistic. I suppose how clever you can be is a function of how well you box.

My responses are never designed to elicit a fight. The last thing I want to do is get blood on my expensive wool kilt...... mine or his

I usually tailor my response to the situation..... if it's a senior citizen who truly thinks I might be a parade participant, I'll be polite, but when some smarta** thinks he's funny, I usually like to verbally spar with him. Someday it might lead to fisticuffs, but I'm not going to worry about it. In the two years I've been wearing the kilt, I've never even gotten close to an altercation. I've found that even drunks think it's cool, and unless you're swishing around in it, most guys give you credit for having the gonads to wear one. We usually have a couple of Marines and retired cops at our kilt nights, and no one seems to want to mess with a 6'1", 205lb guy in a skirt!

**D.A. Guertin** · 31st January 10, 07:55 PM

The one I used to get the most was "Excuse me, are you in a play?"

**CDNSushi** · 31st January 10, 08:59 PM

Originally Posted by D.A. Guertin

The one I used to get the most was "Excuse me, are you in a play?"

Oh, that one's easy! That's when you get to waste 5 minutes of their time by proceeding to recite the monologue from Shakespeare's As You Like It, (Act II Scene 7) which you've deftly memorized just for such an occasion:

PASSER-BY: Excuse me, are you in a play?

YOU: All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms;
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths, and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lin'd,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side;
His youthful hose, well sav'd, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion;
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

Either that or memorize Lucky's stream of consciousness monologue from Beckett's Waiting for Godot (Act I). That'll fix em.

**Iain Robb** · 1st February 10, 11:34 AM

Oh, come now! "Is there a parade?" just begs for the answer, "No, I'm marching to the beat of my own drummer."

**davedove** · 1st February 10, 11:48 AM

I got someone when they asked "Where are your bagpipes?"

I told her "under the kilt".

**Paul** · 1st February 10, 12:33 PM

John, I am also in need of some comebacks. I've been asked plenty of times questions along those lines and have never really had a punchy answer. If theres pipe bands around I'm always asked why I'm wearing a kilt if I'm not in one, I've had people ask why I'm wearing a kilt during the day without a "KILT JACKET" and "KILT SHOES" etc.

**BEEDEE** · 1st February 10, 01:50 PM

Originally Posted by davedove

I got someone when they asked "Where are your bagpipes?"

I told her "under the kilt".

I was asked that question once by an Asian doorman at a Chicago hotel. My response...... "Where are your chopsticks?"

Brian

**NewGuise** · 1st February 10, 02:46 PM

A friend wearing a Utilikilt was once asked about his lack of sporran, by a male stranger, but the exchange went this way:

"Where's your little hairy purse?"
"Under my kilt. Do you need one?"