Wildrover wrote: “ ‘Cigarettes, whiskey, and wild, wild women!’ Since I don't smoke, I’ll split the difference between the other two.”

Seems as if you would have enjoyed a visit to (pre-war) Nagasaki where, according to the old song, “the fellers chew tobaccy and the women whacky-whacky-woo”!
Or perhaps you would prefer it more peaceful, as in the Big Rock Candy Mountains, with the buzzing of the bees in the cigarette trees (which you won’t pick from), where the cops all have wooden legs, the bulldogs all have rubber teeth, and the hens lay soft-boiled eggs.