Etiquette lessons?

[MacMillan of Rathdown]

See, I find it charming that the British are so animated about things being 'proper'.

I suppose they'd also frown on wearing my cowboy hat at the table and belching!

Seriously, though, I do have some questions on table etiquette while we're on the subject.

1. What's the graceful way to eat things like peas? Do you scoop 'em onto your fork with the knife and then hope to get 'em to your mouth without dropping them on your lap? Or are you supposed to use a spoon? Is it allowable to hunch over your plate in this process, or are you supposed to stay upright?

Mashed between the tines of your fork, or mixed in with the mashed potatoes or some other "soft" vegetable. When doing this the tines of the fork should point down, pointing at the plate, and the peas should be pressed onto the tines by your knife. Never hunch over your plate unless you are being shot at.

2. When pausing to drink, are you supposed to set down your utensils completely, or is it acceptable to keep a utensil (perhaps with food still on it) in one hand?

Always set down your utensils before taking a drink. Never set down a fork or a spoon with food still on it.

3. The napkin. When you put it in your lap, is there some etiquette to how it's supposed to be folded? Or do you just drape it all the way across?

Lay the napkin across your lap so that any dropped morsels of food will land on it and not your clothes. If your napkin slips off your lap, retrieve it if you can do so without creating a disturbance at the table. If you can't, ask for a new one.

And when is it acceptable to tuck it in your shirt (I would never do that, but I could swear I've seen high-society types doing it)?

In Britain and North America it isn't "done" to tuck a napkin into one's shirt. It is, however, acceptable in some continental European circles.

4. When the waitstaff comes to refill drinks or bring new dishes or remove empty ones, is it proper to hand them things or take them? Or are you supposed to always let them reach over you to do it? It feels a bit undignified to me, letting someone reach in front of me awkwardly like that.

Always allow the staff to place or remove the dishes-- your attempt to "help" may have an opposite effect.

They may sound like silly questions, but I honestly don't know what's proper.

Asking how to do the right thing is never silly.