A ... walks into a ... thread

[KiltedBrewer]

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, "We don't serve food here."

[vinhen2]

One day an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their drink, three flies landed in each of their pints and were stuck in the thick head.


The Englishman pushed his pint away in disgust.


The Irishman fished the fly out of his drink, and continued drinking it as if nothing had happened.


The Scotsman, too, picked the fly out of his Guinness, but held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT!!!!"

[ScottEPooh]

Okay, tried to resist on the "pun" thread, but here goes...

Zen Bhuddist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says,

"Make me one with everything!"

[McMurdo]

An amnesiac comes into a bar. He asks, "Do I come here often?"

[Mr. Kilt]

Two seals walk into a club...

[Mr. Kilt]

A bear walks into a bar in Banff and asks the bartender for a beer.
"Forget it!" says the bartender, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Banff.
"Well, if you don't serve me a beer, I'll go over and eat that woman that sitting there", says the bear.
"Do what you will, we don't serve beer to bears in bars in Banff", says the bartender.
So, the bear wanders over to the table and promptly chows down on the poor woman who was sitting there. He finishes up and wanders back to the bartender.
"There! Now can I have a beer?"
"Nope, sorry. We don't serve beer to drug-addict bears in bars in Banff", replies the bartender.
"Drug addict?? What are you talking about?" says the bear.
"Well, don't you know that was a barbituate?"

[McMurdo]

A dog with his leg wrapped in bandages hobbles into a saloon. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw."

[Panache]

A piece of string walks in to a bar

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar and walks back in

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar and walks back in

The bartender says "We don't serve string here, get out"

The piece of string leaves the bar. It unravels its top and tangles itself up and returns into the bar.

The bartender says "Hey aren't you that piece of string?"

It replies "Frayed knot"


Cheers

Jamie

[McMurdo]

A pig goes into a bar and orders ten drinks. He finishes them up and the bartender says, "Don't you need to know where the bathroom is?" The pig says, "No, I go wee wee all the way home."

[Ozman1944]

A drunk returns to a bar and asks the bartender;
"How big are Penguins?"
The Bartender answers; "Oh about eighteen inches or so"
Drunk says; "Are you sure? no bigger than that?"
"Well" says the Bartender, "there are King Penguins, I think they're about three feet or so".
"None taller?" pleaded the drunk.
"No, that's the biggest there is"
"O Lord!" wailed the drunk; "Then I've just back over a Nun with my truck!"