Proper attire for a funeral

[Gingerpose]

My best friend is about to loose her father due to cancer. So when i say i am planning to go to a funeral soon, its not light hearted. As most of my dress clothes have given way to kilt wearing, I have an outfit in mind for the day but i wanted to make sure its appropriate

Please excuse the grin, its was a good day when i snapped the shot
As we will be outside i most likely will add a Balmoral

I wonder if it would be possible to find out the gentleman's own wishes, if it is not too late? If I read your post correctly he has not yet passed away and may yet be able to communicate, depending on his condition.

[Kilted Rogue]

I wonder if it would be possible to find out the gentleman's own wishes, if it is not too late? If I read your post correctly he has not yet passed away and may yet be able to communicate, depending on his condition.

He has lost the ablilty to speak, so I wont even try to have that conversation.

[Tobus]

I wonder if it would be possible to find out the gentleman's own wishes, if it is not too late? If I read your post correctly he has not yet passed away and may yet be able to communicate, depending on his condition.

That would have to be a very uncomfortable conversation, and I can't think of any delicate way to ask.

"Hey man, can I wear a kilt to your funeral?" doesn't seem to have any gentle alternative.

[Jaggy thistle]

A funeral is the only time that I would never wear a kilt I always think a kilt is for happy ocasions I keep a black suit for funerals

[Chas]

There are two types of people who go to funerals.

The supporters - 'the shoulder to cry on' and the mourners, those who are grieving.

If you are a supporter, wear something unobtrusive and stay in the background.

If you are going as a mourner, why should it be assumed that your grief is any less than anybody else's.

Remember that funerals are not for the dead; they are for those that are left behind. They are part of the grieving process.

Go with your heart.

Regards

Chas

[Peregrine]

I am not quite sure what point you are alluding too, so forgive me if I have the wrong end of the stick here. I think you are meaning that Chris is pointing out that the kilt is not often worn to funerals in Scotland, he is quite correct. It is perhaps more common(still not that common) in the Highlands, the home of the kilt, which is also an area where the least number of people live. The lowland Scots, the largest majority, are not and never have been kilt wearers by tradition.Wearing the kilt to a funeral in Scotland is therefore not common.

The only time I have worn the kilt to a funeral, other than piping, was when I knew the departed and family had an appreciation for it.

I agree with both Chris and Jock, that the wearing of a kilt to a funeral in Scotland is not common. It is however, what I normally wear to a family funeral, and I have never had any comments either positive or negative - it has simply been accepted that that is what I wear. Personally I choose a white shirt & black tie and try to be understated and not to stand out too much. For a funeral where I am simply one of the congregation & not particularly known by the family I have worn a suit in order to avoid the risk of offending.

It seems I’ve inadvertently given the wrong impression; my apologies. I found Chris’s insight on the wearing of the kilt at funerals in Scotland informative and worthy of consideration when choosing my own funeral attire. As always I appreciate the advice of the native Scots.

What I was really pondering was how the kilt is perceived by the average non-kilt wearer here in North America. In Scotland you have a more defined etiquette for such things; here we have no such luxury. As a kilt wearer I would be honored to have the kilt worn at my own funeral or that of a family member. But as a kilt wearer I can only guess at how it would be viewed by those unfamiliar with the kilt.

Based on Ron and McMurdo’s experience, which is admittedly a limited sample size, it seems to be perceived as a show of respect, as I’m sure they intended. In most cultures we attempt to show respect by looking our best. I was theorizing that perhaps that is how the families in question viewed the kilt; a show of respect by way of taking the trouble to look ones best.

[EagleJCS]

If you choose to wear the kilt, I also suggest going with a white shirt and dark tie.

I invariably wear a suit to funerals. Even when wearing a suit, I'm often dressed better than most others in my age range (I'm 40). For me it's a measure of respect not only for the departed, but also their family, friends, and church. I've seen some women wearing cocktail dresses, showing more decolletage than they should in the daytime (or at any time, in some cases ), but most especially not at a funeral. Other women look like they just rolled out of bed and put on whatever was clean. Many guys I've seen lately wear clothes that look like they came out of the hamper (*sniff* - hmm, doesn't smell dirty) or appear they couldn't be bothered to dress better than their lounging togs. (Polo shirt, bermuda shorts and sandals, anyone?)

I can't imagine wearing a kilt to a funeral that I wasn't piping at (and therefore likely not one of the mourners), unless the person were connected to a Scottish organization - Caledonian Society, Burns Society, St. Andrews Society, etc. - and/or a pipe band, and many other mourners would likely be wearing theirs as well.

Even if I'm only going to the visitation and not the funeral service, I'll usually put on a sport coat and tie.

[Jock Scot]

As some of you are interested in the Scots perspective ,Highland Scots in particular, on kilt wearing may I add this note. Most of the Highland Scots funerals that I have been too, I have worn the kilt, at no time have, or would I have, been expected to wear any tartan other than my own.This idea of wearing a dark tartan, particularly if it was not your own, would have the deceased turning in their grave and would have been regarded as an unnecessary and more importantly, uncomplimentary act by all concerned.

[Lyle1]

In your original posting, you did say that the funeral would be for your best friend's father. Does your friend know how what the kilt means to you? If your gut feeling is that it would be appropriate to wear a kilt, I think you should, but you are in a far better position to predict your friend's reaction than any of us.

[Kilted Rogue]

In your original posting, you did say that the funeral would be for your best friend's father. Does your friend know how what the kilt means to you? If your gut feeling is that it would be appropriate to wear a kilt, I think you should, but you are in a far better position to predict your friend's reaction than any of us.

She know how i feel about the kilt and wearing it. she i think will be ok with it.


Just to keep you all in the loop , the gentleman in question passed this morning. I will be on my way to Atlanta tomorrow for the services