First Prize

[Southern Breeze]

I thought I'd post this for everyone who hasn't seen it and to remind Graham of the perils of whisky. :-D

A kilted Scotsman was walking home from a pub one morning after sampling whisky all night at the local pub.Feeling sleepy he decided to take a nap beside the path.
While he slept,two women came by and saw him lying there.One of them was overcome with curiosity and decided to see what was worn under a kilt.She lifted his kilt and saw that he wore nothing at all.
Her friend said "we should thank him for solving that question".So she took a blue ribbon from her hair and tied it around his endowment.
A while later the Scotsman awoke and staggerd into the bushes to answer natures call.Lifting his kilt he was puzzled by the ribbon.After staring a moment he said "I don't know where you've been laddie,but it's good to see you won first prize!"

[Wompet]

Ring-ding-diddle-diddle-li-dee-o, Ring-di-diddly-li-o :-P:-P

Or words to that effect - Seamus Kennedy's "The Scotsman." ;-)
It's a good thing you didn't include the last line - some would find it's "gruesome."

[switchblade5984]

last line? thats all i ever heard of that joke.... pm me the "last line"

[millar]

Its a song. I heard it first years ago on one of those novelty song radio shows. I have an mp3 of it somewhere but i can't lay my hands on it. I take it from the above post that Seamus Kennedy does a version of it as well.

[Big Dave]

Funny! That's the same joke I told my parents yesterday, my Dad laughed and my Mom turned red. (I heard it as a Irishman in a kilt, either way it's still funny.)

[jfellrath]

This song is available on iTunes - look for "The Scotsman" by Bryan Bowers.

[Mike1]

The Scotsman's Kilt
Mike Cross 1979
copyright Vic Ray Publishing (ASCAP)

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt left the bar one evening fair.
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.
He fumbled 'round 'till he could no longer keep his feet.
And stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Now about that time two young and lovely girls happened by.
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye.
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.
I wonder if it's true what he wears nothing beneath the kilt.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
I wonder if it's true what he wears nothing beneath the kilt.

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as can be.
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.
Lo and behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt.
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
Was nothin' more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a minute and one said, "We must be gone.
Let's leave a souvenir for our friend before we move along."
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow.
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
Around the bonnie star the Scott's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman rose to nature's call and headed for the trees.
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.
And in his drunken voice he says to what's before his eyes.
"Oh, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
"Oh, lad I don't know where you've been, but I see you've won first prize."

Our Scottish friend still dressed in kilt continued down the street
He hadn't gone ten yards or more when a girl he chanced to meet
She said I heard what's under there. Tell me is it so?
He said just slip your hand up miss if you'd really like to know

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
He said just slip your hand up miss if you would like to know

She put her hand right up his kilt and much to her surprise
The Scotsman smiled and a very strange look came into his eyes
She cried why sir that gruesome and then her heard him roar
If you put your hand up one again, you'll find it's grew some more.

Ring-ding-ding-a-ling-a-ladio, Ring di diddle-i-o
If you put your hand up once again, you'll find it's grew some more.

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[Southern Breeze]

LOL! I've never heard the version Mike posted till now.

[Graham]

I know the song, I've heard it several times on Highlander Radio.

Thanks for the warning Southern Breeze, but don't worry, I never ever get drunk and rarely lie near the wayside overnight.;)

[tomcherv]

That's the first time I've seen the last 2 stanzas. I learned this one way back in my college days at Notre Dame. Though, in our case, the singer substituted the words "Domer" for "scotsman" and "Smick Chick" for "lassies".

(Notre Dame students and alumni are called "Domers" and the ladies from Saint Mary's College (SMC) across the street were called "SMC Chicks".)