A Braveheart spoof

**Mike1** · 8th May 06, 04:32 AM

In another thread, we were talking about the move Braveheart and Bubba mentioned the fact there was no Stirling Bridge in the movie.

Here's a song that was performed by Ted Christopher and the Bannockburn Band, with some pictures thrown in for good effect -

Where's the River Mel?
Copyright Ted Christopher

An Australian came to town one day and he brought a film crew
He said you've got a story here, I'll tell you what I'll do
I'm going to take this man called Wallace and I'm going to spread his fame
And very soon the whole wide world will know your hero's name

So he talked to the historians of battles that were won
And how that day at Stirling Bridge, they made the English run
Then he talked to all his money men and it seems they had their way
Cause they made the film in Ireland, so I've just got to say

Where's the river Mel?
Won't you stand here with me?
Look down from Stirling Castle
Tell me, what's that you see?
That's a river Mel
And that's where it's always been.
So how come there's no trace of it upon your silver screen?

We fought hand to hand to save our land, it was hot and sweaty work
When the English come, we bared our bums, we did not give a foot.
And we turned back to the water's edge to wash off all the gore
But it's hard to bathe in a river that ain't there any more.

Where's the river Mel?
Won't you stand here with me?
Look down from Stirling Castle
Tell me, what's that you see?
That's a river Mel.
And that's where it's always been.
So how come there's no trace of it upon your silver screen?

They called the film Braveheart and it was lots of fun.
It wasn't much like history, but at least we still won
Though the tourists come from all over world to look down upon this place
But as they look down from the Monument, there's surprise on their face

There's a river Mel.
And that's where it's always been.
So how come there's no trace of it upon your silver screen?
That's a river Mel.
The real battle scene
Where Wallace sent them homeward, to think again.

**highlander_Daz** · 8th May 06, 05:12 AM

Mike Id reccomend a programme about Wallace called "the real braveheart" presented by Tony Robinson, to fisherman show Tony the actual site of the original bridge by using a glass jar pushed into the water (old fishermans trick) to see the remains of the original supports for the bridge. amazing stuff to see whats left of the bridge.

**ckelly327** · 8th May 06, 05:31 AM

Nothing to do with the bridge or history but this is one of the great Braveheart spoofs around:

http://www.kontraband.com/show/show....Keywords=sheep

Sorry, no kilts, just an enthusiastic Mel Gibson impersonator.

**Chris Webb** · 8th May 06, 05:35 AM

We Texans bitch the same way about every movie ever made about the Alamo. I don't care how 'historically accurate' any director ever gets it Texans will never be satisfied, NEVER!

Of course, given that 70% of Texas counties are named for Scot-Texans it should come as no surprise that we act just like Scots do when regarding William Wallace.

Wallace, Travis, what's the difference ... two men who somehow embody all that cannot be fully depicted regarding the deep seated fighting spirit of both our peoples.

Scotland, like Texas, like it or not is just a part of a greater nation ... both countries, for reasons eternally debated, now permanently merged with the irrepressable power house next door.

Texans still dream of the old Republic of Texas ... but had the Republic of Texas ever been so grand as our dreams have made it then it would never had joined the United States to begin with.

Still, like Scotland, Texas will never, ever be so immersed in it's parent nation to lose it's own identity, it's own traditions, it's own garb, food, music ... no, Texas will remain suspended in the past, floating in our minds like some dream that refuses to stop once you are awake.

Scots remember Wallace ...

Texans, well, we Remember the Alamo!!!!

Yeee Haawwwww.

Chris Webb

**Mike1** · 8th May 06, 05:43 AM

Daz, the picture of the Forth is actually looking toward the area where the old bridge remains are located. I would like to see the video, it has to be fascinating.

**macwilkin** · 8th May 06, 05:46 AM

Originally Posted by Chris Webb

We Texans bitch the same way about every movie ever made about the Alamo. I don't care how 'historically accurate' any director ever gets it Texans will never be satisfied, NEVER!

Of course, given that 70% of Texas counties are named for Scot-Texans it should come as no surprise that we act just like Scots do when regarding William Wallace.

Wallace, Travis, what's the difference ... two men who somehow embody all that cannot be fully depicted regarding the deep seated fighting spirit of both our peoples.

Scotland, like Texas, like it or not is just a part of a greater nation ... both countries, for reasons eternally debated, now permanently merged with the irrepressable power house next door.

Texans still dream of the old Republic of Texas ... but had the Republic of Texas ever been so grand as our dreams have made it then it would never had joined the United States to begin with.

Still, like Scotland, Texas will never, ever be so immersed in it's parent nation to lose it's own identity, it's own traditions, it's own garb, food, music ... no, Texas will remain suspended in the past, floating in our minds like some dream that refuses to stop once you are awake.

Scots remember Wallace ...

Texans, well, we Remember the Alamo!!!!

Yeee Haawwwww.

Chris Webb

Chris,

The latest version of the Alamo came pretty darn close -- and most of that was due to the fact that the movie folks actually listened to respected historians like Bruce Winders, curator of the Alamo, and Stephen Hardin, author of the best (INMHO) book on the Texas Revolution, "Texian Illiad". It had it's problems, but overall, it's come the closest so far.

But you are quite right about the Texas-Scottish connections; after all, there was a piper at the Alamo, Sgt. John McGregor, who reportedy had musical "duels" with an Ulster-Scot named Crockett, and several Texian songs of the period were to the tunes of "Scots Wha Hae" and "Auld Lang Syne".

End OT...

Cheers (Y'all),

Todd

**auld argonian** · 8th May 06, 08:46 AM

...and would someone please find the Bob Newhart pardoy of Braveheart that they ran on the MTV awards show for me? I have looked high and low on the internet and have yet to find it. I didn't see it when it ran on TV and so I guess that I've missed it entirely!

Best

AA