Lawns And God

[Southern Breeze]

Lawns And God

GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ---

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

[andyfg]

Excellent! Makes you think.

[Arthur's Seat Sergeant]

Very good story!
It's exactely what happens indeed.We're definitely the weirdest being in the world

[Randy]

See my way is best, diety approved. And folks say I'm lazy, just eco-aware.

[Panache]

Southern Breeze,

Very very funny!

Cheers

[Jerry]

Living on a rural property, with my closest neighbor at least a quarter mile away, I keep the dandelions and other wild flowers. As for the leaves from my Hickories and Dogwoods, I always figured, "the Lord put them there, he will use his wind to remove them". Here, I always thought I must be lazy, now I know I'm doing the Lords work.

[davedove]

I've always hated lawn work because it's one of those neverending jobs. You know, you mow the lawn and a few days later you have to do it all over again.

Now I know that my feelings fall into the divine plan.

[KiltedKnight]

The funniest thing is that what most people call weeds are some of the tastiest salad makings that exist and for many years when possible and when they are abundant I go through any open fields and pick dandelion greens, malva, lamb's quarter, filaree and I grow and harvest Comfrey which makes for a fantastic healthful salad. I'll never die of cancer as long as I incorporate Comfrey into my diet.

I can't believe people go to the store and buy 'iceburg lettuce' which is 95 percent water and 5 percent crap and does nothing for you when there are so many other greens right in your own back yard.

Understand that I am NOT a health freak, I just learned how to live off the land while I was in the service and eat like a king while doing so.

Licorice grows wild in most parts of the world and the roots of the plant have so many medicinal qualitites. The Roman legions used to carry dried Licorice root like our modern troops carry small first aid packets. The legions used to walk for days without water with a small piece of licorice root in their mouths.

In any case, sorry to ramble on but this post reminded me of what people throw away and what they keep and the original post pretty much explains the stupidity part of my thoughts.

Chris.

[Riverkilt]

Crack me up!

About ten years ago I let my lawn go...a little wildlife preserve if you will. Attracted lots of birds.

Wasn't long before the "lawn police" turned me in to the city and I got a ticket for "bad yard." My natural setting wildlife sanctuary argument didn't work with the enforcer. So, I mowed it again and the birds moved on.

Land of the Free (some restrictions apply).

Ron

[Southern Breeze]

I'm a fan of the "natural look" myself. Everyone thinks that since I'm a designer my yard should be a showpiece. After spending sometimes 80 hours a week doing other peoples landscapes, it's the last thing I want to do when I get home.