What to do?

[cormacmacguardhe]

Not sure about the best course of action in this very bizzare situation. Our neighbors girlfriend has come over to our house and talked to my wife and the neighbor on the other side, she complains about being abused, but continues to spend weekends with him. She appears to me to be somewhat mentally disturbed herself, and if she is even half truthful about what is going on she could be in danger. But she continues to spend time with him.

[Big Dave]

Unless she's not willing to leave the guy, or even go to the cops, their isn't much you can do. :confused:

Now on the other hand, if you see the guy, go have a little talk with him , kilted of course, no one wants to get his @$$ kicked by a man in a kilt.

[bubba]

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. There's a reason cops dread domestic situations more than any other kind of call. Unless you actually witness a disturbance you can call the police about stay far away from it. It could be dangerous.

[Tattoo Bradley]

Honestly, there's nothing you can do. There's a reason cops dread domestic situations more than any other kind of call. Unless you actually witness a disturbance you can call the police about stay far away from it. It could be dangerous.

I comletely agree. You should indeed stay far FAR away from it all. I have a pretty big heart in situations like that too. But, these situations almost ALWAYS spew disaster.

[cormacmacguardhe]

those were my thoughts exactly, but I thought I would ask if anyone knew of any other course of action. Thanks for your advice.

[Rex_Tremende]

The woman does indeed sound troubled. If what she says is true, she may feel that she deserves whatever abuse her boyfriend metes out, but she would be wrong. Two things need to happen: she needs to remove herself from the situation, and she needs to understand that she is not at fault. It is likely that she will need professional help to accomplish both of these things.

Unless you witness violence perpetrated by the man against this woman, it is unwise for you actively involve yourself in the situation. If there is no visible evidence of abuse, how do you know she is not stirring up trouble, and in need a different kind of help?

However, you can be prepared to offer assistance if called on. If the abuse is real, her confessions are a call for help - maybe she is wishing someone would stage some sort of intervention. Still, not a good idea. Without disclosing identifying information, you can contact your local police to see if there exists in your community a victim's assistance organization, or contact your local women's shelter. Find out the right phone numbers for a victim to call and have them on hand for the next time she comes to visit. If the subject comes up again, your wife can let it be known she has numbers to call *IF* the woman wants them, but don't foist them upon her. The victim needs to understand that *she* is the person who must take action. Asking for the numbers is the first step in her taking responsibility for solving her own troubles.

Also, I'd like to suggest that this is probably not the best place to get advice - mine may be way off - and that your wife might speak to the aid groups in your community for how to handle this situation. They know from experience what works and can suggest ways to be supportive without enabling continued abuse.

Good luck,
Rex in Cincinnati

[Riverkilt]

Good golly, this is 2006. There's zero tolerance for domestic violence by law enforcement most everywhere. Domestic Violence agencies abound. If there's one in your area suggest you steer her to it, or take her by the hand and lead her to it. Support, therapy, crisis shelter, the works.....or even just the library or the Internet is full of advice on escaping domestic violence.


Ron

[cormacmacguardhe]

talking it over with both my wife and the neighbor on the other side, it seems that this woman does not want to leave him, we have all told her about agencies and other types of help that is available, but she goes right back to him. She comes back to us with tales that are fashioned to garner our sympathy, it is almost as if she craves our attention about what is going on. We will of course assist her if she wants to leave him, but if she only wants us to feel sorry for her there is nothing much we can do. On a side note, my wife tried to contact a domestic abuse hotline today, the line was constantly busy, could not get through.

[Mike1]

This is one of those times when we need to step back and understand that this forum is not a trained or licensed legal facility. Nor is it a trained or licensed medical facility. Furthermore, the forum is not a professional environment that lends itself to these types of exchanges.

With frivolous lawsuits on the rise, it simply is not acceptable for this kilt forum community to become a place for the exchange of legal and/or medical advice.

Pastoring a church has brought me into contact with many of these types of situations and they are all incredibly serious, some even to the point of being deadly serious.

Cormacmacguardhe, it seems that you have tried to help this young lady out, as best as you can. For that, you are to be commended. I also appreciate the good intentions on the part of those that have responded in this thread, however this is a situation that needs to be dealt with on a very personal level.

I hope not to appear any more cold or callous than we dreaded members of the forum staff are already made out to be, but this thread is locked.