your world cand change in a second

[Kiltedfirepiper]

so there I was screwing with my bagpipes, getting them ready for the big day.......my mom is walking towards the door to go into the house( did I mention that I was in her back yard?)
she stops at the door way, and all of the sudden starts to fall over to the side, at first I think that maybe she tripped, then I see her looking up and to the left....I think maybe there's something under the overhang of the roof that she's looking at......
then her head starts shaking......
then her arm thats not holding her up starts trembling......
and I realize......she's having a siezure.......
I could tell you what happened after that but its all relative......
call 911, ambulance ride......Doctors in and out of the room...CT scans....
well it turns out she has severe brain cancer.......and this after 6 years ago fighting and beating lung cancer........



I noticed the signs for the last few weeks, and told her she needed to see a Doc
but its already too late....by the time you SEE it ........its already too late.....

part my world is over....one of my best friends is dying.........
and
theres
NOTHING
I can do about it.........



I'm sitting here trying to help myself by typing what I feel....but I really don't know what I feel...
anger? anger that she didnt keep up with the followups her Doctor ( now retired) told her to do?
selfishness? that I don't want my mom to die....that its not fair to me?
sadness? that I will never be able to have those long talks that we always have again....that my two kids wont get to see their grandma anymore?
Kira....who ADORES her grandma....who has to see her EVERY DAY ....what do I say to her when its all said and done?
when Grandmas gone and and she says to me "want Grandma!"
how do you explain death to a two year old?
Gavin ....who really is never going to even remember his grandma. will it be easier for him? will he miss somthing that he never really had to begin with?
My nephews....who are old enough to understand whats going on...do I cry with them? or put on the brave face ?
my Dad.....who has been married to this wonderful woman for 36 years.....how will he do losing his love?

so many questions, and possibilities and not a single answer among them....

she's stable now in the hospital.... you may ask " why are you so resolute in the outcome? "



well lets go back to earlier this week...I called her new Doc, and told him what I was seeing in the way of her behavior and he set up an MRI for her today.
tonight at 5 pm he called saying that her MRI looked bad and we needed to get her in to see him ASAP......I didnt get the message till 11 Pm..... at 6:30 she had the siezure......and when I heard the message on my phone .......there was another message saying that we should just take her to the ER right away....that one came in at 6:20

I called the Doc office and talked to one of his partners, and even though I only heard "severe brain cancer" the last thing I heard was " I'm very sorry"

and when an oncologist says that ....its usually a very bad thing.........

I dont know what else to say really.....I'm going to try to spend as much quality time with her as possible, and make sure that she knows we all love her dearly.....and when that days comes.....I'm going to pipe her into heaven and make sure that God and everyone there knows she's comming

love one another.....

Scott

[Kilted KT]

My prayers are with you...and may your pipes blow true.

[AL-58]

That's sad news. I lost my Dad(cancer), then my Mum(Heart Attack) within two years of each other just 10 years ago, so I know what you are feeling, it still feels fresh to me. I know you will but spend time with your mum and enjoy her company while you can and afterwards look after your Dad. I cant say anymore.

Alan

[katmills2005]

Scott, there is little anyone is going to say that will help you through this. I've been there and understand very well. Count your blessings, each one down to a smile or a brush of her hand. Love lives forever even if our bodies don't. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

[Big Paul]

Sorry to hear it man.. Your mom is in my prayers!

[Mr. Kilt]

My heart goes out to you and your family, Scott. You're in our thoughts.

[cessna152towser]

Our prayers are with you at this time. I lost my mum to tuberculosis in 1992 and my dad to gullet cancer in 2004. Until our parents pass on we believe we are immortal, then our whole attitude to life changes.

[Kiltedmusiclover]

Scott,

You, your Mom, and your family are in my prayers and thoughts.
I wish I say more or help more.

[RK-REX]

Our thoughts are with you and your family Scott.

I've lost everyone in my family except my mom. I sadly have hardened to death and know what you're going through. It's a very difficult thing being the son in a family when trying times like this come. I guess the only thing to say is that you need to be a daddy, son and brother now more then ever. You need to be strong for those around you. You'll grieve when the time is right for you to do so, but now you have to be the rock and the shoulder for others.

When the time comes for you to play your pipes I'm sure she'll be smiling down upon you as proud as ever of her son.

I know that you don't know me from Adam and sometimes that helps, but if you'd like to chat, send me a pm or email.

Take care.

-Rikk

[PiobBear]

May the God of your understanding grant you comfort and peace.
Your family and yourself will be in our prayers.
Emmet