Here is one for Retro Red

[McMurdo]

Here are a few for Retro Red

The ability to Make and Understand Puns Is
the Highest Level of Language Development.

Here are the ten first place winners in the
International Pun Contest:

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two
dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him
and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion
allowed per passenger.'

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One
turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were
chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft.
Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again
that you can't have your kayak and heat it
too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've
lost my Electron.' The other says 'Are you
sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm
positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who
refused Novocain during a root canal? His
goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into
a hotel and were standing in the lobby
discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of
the office and asked them to disperse. 'But
why?', they asked, as they moved off.
'Because,' he said,' I can't stand chess-nuts
boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for
adoption. One of them goes to Spain , they
name him 'Juan'; the other went to a family
in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' Years later,
Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth
mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells
her husband that she wishes she also had a
picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've
seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their
belfry payments, so they opened up a small
florist shop to raise funds Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a
rival florist across town thought the
competition was unfair. He asked the good
fathers to close down, but they would not. He
went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired
Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most
vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to
close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed
their store, saying he'd be back if they
didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent
florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked
barefoot most of the time, which produced an
impressive set of calluses on his feet. He
also ate very little, which made him rather
frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this
is so bad, it's good) a super calloused
fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And finally, there was the person who
sent ten different puns to friends, with the
hope that at least one of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Galician]

Let's not to forget the about the Buddhist who went up to the hot dog cart and said, "Make me one with everything."

[Dirk Skene]

Panache is gonna skin you alive for this post. You know that?

[McFarkus]

Grrooaann!!!!!

[BruceK]

Did you hear about the ram that fell off the cliff 'cause he didn't see the ewe turn?

[Kilted_John]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooooooooaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.... Very punny...

-J

[James MacMillan]

[BEEDEE]

And then there was the barman who had supplied one of his regulars, a doctor, with a walnut daiquiri every time he came in. Came the day he ran out of walnuts and decided to substitute hickory nuts instead. The doctor recognized a different flavor and queried the barman. His response? It's a hickory daiquiri doc.

Brian

[fluter]

Rest of group hold noses, run screaming from room.

[Big Mikey]

Two shriners meet at a convention. The first says"Hi Ed." The second says "I'm sorry, I don't remember your name but your fez is familiar."