Good people of XMarks, I deplore you to sign my petition for release from the Saskatchewan Institute for the Criminaly Kilted. Despite the fact that I have gained 35 Lbs here (tapioca tonight) I am wasting away. Many of you know the nefarious reasons for my incastration here in the flatest land in the world. It is because of the fictitious meanderings of the one they call Panache in that piece of tripe he called Panach and Great blah, blah, blah..

In spite of the fact that he has one hot wife, Panache has many faults. In particular is his jealousy of my gorgeous, flowing, golden locks and firm round buttocks. You must also realize that it was he who invaded my peaceful country, the same country that I liberated 32 years prior. The same country that I so rightfully sit on the throne for*.

Please, I ask of you to write to your local Moderator and ask for, nay, demand my release.

Thank you and...

...Ohh tapioca!



*damn Poutines