Some of you may appreciate this.

I was out of town last week for work. Coming home and going through the Jacksonville, FL airport security, there seems to be a big problem with my carry on pack. Pretty sure I know what it is. I'm also gluten free, so traveling can be a big pain so I have to carry my own chow.

Here are the high points of the conversation (keep in mind that I have a wry sense of humor and a very dry delivery:

TSA - (extremely suspicious and slightly twitchy) you have a lot of strange looking blocks in here that appear to be salt based. Before I open this, anything you want to tell me about them?
Me - Probably my hotel soaps. I like to steal hotel soaps.
TSA - (looking at me very suspiciously and sternly, opens bag flap) That's a lot of soap.
Me - I'm a hotel soap klepto. I steal them from maid's carts. It's a bit of a problem.
TSA - Most steal shampoo
TSA 2 - Nononono.. never steal the shampoo. They open and it gets on all your stuff
Me - You got that right.
TSA - You have a LOT of other blocks... What are those?
Me - That would probably be my cheese.
TSA - Your cheese? (with a very suspicious look...pulls out big bag of cheese blocks) That's a lot of cheese.
Me - I like cheese.
TSA - And these? (with a very odd look...pulls out a few sleeves of Snickers bars). That's a lot of Snickers.
Me - I like Snickers even more than cheese.
TSA 2 - (starts chuckling madly)
TSA - Get out of here (shaking head in wonder)


Next leg of trip home, Atlanta. I'm in the last boarding round and thanks to LIMP &^& JERKS who bring 3 giant carry ons, I had to check my carry on bag cuz there is no more overhead room. Don't dare check my bigass work laptop, so I pull that out, along with a book, and my bottle of water. This quickly proves to be quite tedious to lug around loose, so I find a cheap little girls bag in Brookstone for 15 bucks. It's all they have that is cheap and I figure my daughter can use it when I get home. It's far more pastel yet neon than the pic can possibly portray.



I stuff my things in it, throw it over my shoulder, and make it 50 feet and who do I run into? A very imposing guy in high boots, long black cargo shorts, black shirt, flamboyant black jacket, black fingerless gloves and black eye patch. I know this guy. It's Andrew Dice Clay. I get to talking with him and his eyes keep dropping to this manly bag and finally he starts to smirk and snicker. All I could say was.... "Don't Ask"... So there's the highlight of my week. Hanging out with the Diceman while rocking this bad boy... The song going through my head is Shania Twain's, "Man... I feel like a woman". BTW, the Diceman rocks. Super nice guy and the genuine article. What you see is what you get. A real character who truly appreciates his fans. (Cleaning gal came by afterwards and told me that he is a regular through there and a big favorite among the crew.. gotta love a celebrity like that). Just wish I'd had my real bag and been kilted...

Would have taken a pic of him, but my phone was down to a smidge of a bar of battery power and I needed all I could get in case the wife had trouble picking me up at the airport.