( this was new to me, tho likely very old)

Malcolm, Murdo and Callum were sitting in a bar discussing the words they would like to hear spoken over their coffins at their wakes. Malcolm says, "I would like them to say 'He was a wonderful family man - he always supported his wife and kids, and they never wanted for anything'". Murdo nods and says, "That's lovely Malcolm. But I would like to hear them say, 'He was a great man in the community - he undertook a lot of projects to make his community a better place.'" Callum thinks for a moment and then says, "That's very nice, Murdo. But I would like to hear them say, 'Look! He's moving!'"