Finally met a member of the Kilt Police... And I wasn't kilted.

**Bill aka Mole** · 19th June 15, 12:27 AM

Background: I work for an automotive tire manufacturer in South Carolina. I work in the Curing and Finish section of the plant which is a little too warm in the winter and not much fun in the summer. I have been out of the workplace for about nine weeks due to a gallbladder attack which required removal. My co-workers know that when we are not working, I am liable to be kilted. Of course, while I was out, more new people were hired as we are still expanding.

So, I met a new employee at work about two weeks ago. He's an all right sort, mid-twenties and still young enough to tell you what he thinks is the way things are regarding anything in the world. My coworkers set me up by telling this man that I wear kilts while I was out. I met him because his machine wasn't functioning properly and I resolve those types of problems. One of the safety devices was acting up and in the middle of troubleshooting to determine what the problem was, he asks if I'm the one who wears a kilt. When I answer that I do, he starts asking me if it is a true kilt. Puzzled, I ask him what is a true kilt. His answer was: "You know, a true kilt. One of those that you don't wear underwear with. Not those ones that don't look right." That is when I knew I had met a member of the Kilt Police: not knowing what it is that you are wearing but smart enough to know how to tell you how to wear it. He then started with some other questions and I politely asked him to stop as he was now interfering with me doing my job. Our break times happened to coincide a day later and it was back to him wanting to see a picture of me in a kilt and telling me if I was wearing things properly and then asking what it was that I was wearing. One of the pictures that I have that I dislike is one where I'm wearing a polo shirt with the kilt and a cantled sporran. At the time that the picture was made, I didn't have any day wear, so I wore a cantled hunting sporran and dress Sgain Dbuh. I have two dress sporrans and they are designed to carry exactly three slips of paper in them. But this guy was telling me and a co-worker that I knew my stuff and pointing out how well I was pulling it off. Then he tells my co-worker that I wasn't allowed to wear any underwear with my kilt because that is how it is supposed to be. I nearly spit out my drink at that point. After composing myself, I looked at him and asked him how he knew that I wasn't allowed to do that, his answer was that it wasn't allowed in the regiments and that someone would take away my kilt. That is when I couldn't help it, I started laughing. I stopped talking with him about kilts at that point and walked back to my shop. He followed me into the shop and asked what was wrong. I asked him if I looked like a guy that was in a regiment, his answer was no. Well, I asked, if I'm not in a regiment, who would have the authority to take my kilt. He didn't know. I wish them luck in taking my kilt, I said, as it won't be easy to do. We've not talked about kilts since that.

**tpa** · 19th June 15, 02:08 AM

Bill, are you sure he is competent to work that machine? You can't fix stupid, even if you can fix the machine.

**Tarheel** · 19th June 15, 05:06 AM

I hope that all is settled with your curious (misguided) coworker and you have a very "Goodyear" while kilted.

**AFS1970** · 19th June 15, 06:00 AM

Now I know we have discussed and debated both the Kilt Police and their fascination with underwear (or the lack thereof) numerous times. However I am trying to figure out how the type of kilt would effect the choice of underwear? This just seems a bit odd.

The last time I was asked the question, the only reason I didn't come back with a completely inappropriate and probably greatly offensive reply is because I do try usually to behave like a civilized person. So0metimes however I think about how fun it would be to just take off the filter and tell the kilt cop what I am really thinking.

**RockyR** · 19th June 15, 06:12 AM

Originally Posted by AFS1970

Now I know we have discussed and debated both the Kilt Police and their fascination with underwear (or the lack thereof) numerous times. However I am trying to figure out how the type of kilt would effect the choice of underwear? This just seems a bit odd.

The last time I was asked the question, the only reason I didn't come back with a completely inappropriate and probably greatly offensive reply is because I do try usually to behave like a civilized person. So0metimes however I think about how fun it would be to just take off the filter and tell the kilt cop what I am really thinking.

That happens to me all the time and often I wish I could say what I am REALLY thinking, but that would put me on their level. I typically just elude their questions and refuse to straight out answer yes or no. I'll also ask them what their fascination with my underwear is and tell them it's a bit creepy.

**CDNSushi** · 19th June 15, 07:30 AM

Good story. Thanks for the morning chuckle.

**Tasty Rabbit** · 19th June 15, 07:52 AM

No web sites I've seen have a separate section for "underwear kilts" & "no underwear" kilts - they all must be doing this wrong .
& how dare someone ask you about your undergarments without buying you a drink first ! Chivalry is dead I tell you .

**unixken** · 19th June 15, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by RockyR

I'll also ask them what their fascination with my underwear is and tell them it's a bit creepy.

This is the best response I've ever heard. LOL

I'm stealing that, for my arsenal. Moderators - I'd say that's definitely a kilt-related weapon, carried as an accessory to the kilt! ;)

**IsaacW** · 19th June 15, 11:06 AM

NICE! I was stopped at the elementary carnival this spring by an interesting "expert." I was wearing waistcoat, tie, and tweed argyll jacket as I had been teaching and went down to be with my own kids after work. An interesting guy about my age came over to tell me that he liked my kilt and then that it threw him at first, seeing it with a jacket and tie. He then stated that I really should be wearing it "with out sleeves." I am not sure what he was thinking needed to be sleeveless (shirt, jacket, doublet-thingie??). Anyway, I smiled and said, "sure."

IW

**CDNSushi** · 19th June 15, 11:09 AM

It's amazing, all the "experts" that come out of the woodwork at the first sight of a tartan. A couple of years ago in Edmonton, I had some random dude swear up and down that I was wearing his family's tartan and that I didn't have permission to do so... (Which is funny, as I was wearing IOS that day), but he couldn't be convinced. At one point I think I just started to ignore him until he went away. Don't think that boy was quite right, in any event.