First Time Denied

**ctbuchanan** · 23rd October 15, 11:40 AM

We are flying out to San Diego in November for a formal black tie wedding. I was prepared to wear my new Ancient Buchanan kilt (thank you Bonnie Heather), new hose, beautiful sting ray sporran (thank you Wyvern) , black Argyle with black bow tie (I don't own a P.C).

In all these many years that I have been wearing the kilt this has been my attire at all formal events including weddings. I have always asked the bride's mother if this would meet with their approval. I have never been turned down until today.

I received an email saying that the bride would prefer that I wear a dark suit or tuxedo. Of course I will honor her request but I am now suddenly depressed. I can no longer say I've never been turned down, and I know I won't have nearly as much fun.

Oh well, I'll get over it some day. But tonight I will drown my sorrows in Oban 14.

I may have to buy a Modern Buchanan cummerbund and tie set.

**Jock Scot** · 23rd October 15, 11:47 AM

Alright its a disappointment not to wear your kilt to the ceremony, but hardly a disaster surely? Is it such a problem to wear a suit? I enquire purely out of interest and not to stir up a hornets nest.

**Father Bill** · 23rd October 15, 11:50 AM

I always ask couples when planning weddings if there's a Scottish background and if they say yes, I ask if they would like me to kilt up. Only one has wanted kilts, and I'm quite comfortable with that.

It's just not everyone's preference. I don't see that as a problem - it's not my wedding; I just officiate.

**Dughlas mor** · 23rd October 15, 12:28 PM

Wish I could be there to help you drown your sorrows. I`m sure you`ll look great in a tux.

**Liam** · 23rd October 15, 12:35 PM

It is always easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. When you ask, the answer may not be what you want, but you are now stuck with it.
All of my close friends/relatives know that my kilt is my "dress-up" attire. If they don't want my kilt, then don't invite me.
Padre... Quite a different situation if you are in the wedding party or officiating.

**Liam** · 23rd October 15, 12:37 PM

PS... I'm sure Oban 14 will assist with the disappointment.

**Father Bill** · 23rd October 15, 01:08 PM

Liam, I agree that my situation when I'm officiating is different from that of a guest so the question may not be totally applicable in that case but having said that, speaking as a guest (not the officiant) to say that forgiveness is easier than permission suggests to me that you might be willing to upset or disappoint someone who has done you the honour of an invitation. I read that here often on X-Marks, and how can I gently say that I somehow find that rather low and actually rather selfish.

I'm sorry to think any of us would do that to our friends. I certainly wouldn't. To me, no piece of clothing is so important to wear on somebody else's most special day that I'd disappoint people who love me. If I can't show my respect and affection for the couple by observing the simple dress code of their event, I guess I'd have to send a gift and a note in the care of a mutual friend and stay home. I can't imagine putting clothing preferences above respect for people who love me.

I know that this will offend some members, but please rather than taking offense, just see it as my point of view.

**Jock Scot** · 23rd October 15, 01:16 PM

Very sensitively put Bill and your words are ones that I find I can entirely agree with.

**TRWXXA** · 23rd October 15, 01:24 PM

Originally Posted by Liam

It is always easier to ask for forgiveness rather than permission. When you ask, the answer may not be what you want, but you are now stuck with it.
All of my close friends/relatives know that my kilt is my "dress-up" attire. If they don't want my kilt, then don't invite me.
Padre... Quite a different situation if you are in the wedding party or officiating.

^^This!^^

I pity anyone who has to deal with the mother of the bride, or the bride herself -- caterer, photographer, etc. So many brides have been planning their "perfect wedding" since they were 8 years old, with their mother as the enabler. Heaven help anyone who is going to screw up the fantasy, when the time comes.

You shoulda just arrived all kilted up. Too late for Bridezilla & Co. to do anything about it, and they'll probably be too preoccupied with other percieved "disasters" to notice.

**Jock Scot** · 23rd October 15, 01:31 PM

Originally Posted by TRWXXA

^^This!^^

I pity anyone who has to deal with the mother of the bride, or the bride herself -- caterer, photographer, etc. So many brides have been planning their "perfect wedding" since they were 8 years old, with their mother as the enabler. Heaven help anyone who is going to screw up the fantasy, when the time comes.

You shoulda just arrived all kilted up. Too late for Bridezilla & Co. to do anything about it, and they'll probably be too preoccupied with other percieved "disasters" to notice.

I am sorry but that is an appallingly selfish attitude to take. It is for the hosts to dictate the events dress requirements and it is for the guest to accept those requirements with good grace. If they can't, the guest must find a suitably tactful excuse for not being available on the day.