Q: "What's under the kilt?"
A: "If you promise to kiss it I'll show ya."

Q: "Where are your bagpipes?"
A: "Under the kilt. Want to try them?"

Q: "Why are you wearing a kilt?"
A: "Because your Mom likes it."

Q: "Where are your bagpipes?"
A: "Confiscated by airport security."

Q: "I thought a person had to actually be from Scotland to wear a kilt."
A: "I thought a person couldn't talk when brain dead, but apparently we're both wrong."

Q: "You can't wear a kilt. You're not Scottish."
A: (Run around waving your arms frantically) "THE DILITHIUM CRYSTALS ARE FRACTURING!!! SHE CANNA TAKE MUCH MORE OF THIS CAP'N!!! Is that Scottish enough for ya?"
Note: While people will usually leave you alone after doing this, it is not recommended that this be done at solemn occasions.

Q: "What do you have on under the kilt?"
A: "Hair. Lots and lots of hair."

Q: "How do you pee in a kilt?"
A: "I don't. I pee in the urinal."

Q: "Is it hard to go to the bathroom in a kilt?"
A: "It depends on what your Mom made me for breakfast."

Q: "What's under your kilt?"
A: "Secret."
Q: "It's a secret?"
A: "No, I call it 'Secret' because it's strong enough for a man, but made for a woman."

Q: "I love a man in a kilt!"
A: "Prove it."