Treasure your older relatives

[Alan H]

I got together with my cousins on Sunday. It was me, my cousin Kathy, her brother Eric, and their mother Jean. Jean and her husband (my uncle) Lee fought with My mother over Grandma Kays inheritance back around 1966. As a result of that, my mother and her brother never spoke to one another again until they day they died. Lee died first, mom passed away in 1992, my father died in 1998.

Jean is just about to have her 88th birthday.

A few years ago I thought to myself that everybody but Jean, who had fought over that inheritance forty years ago, had died. There was no reason for THEIR battles and hatred and stubbornness to keep ME from meeting my cousins. So I got back in touch and we've been getting together every few months now, and I really like them.

We pulled out Grandma Kays trunk of momentos and spent the afternoon digging through great, great granduncle Reynolds commissions in the US Navy, his commendations from the Spanish-America War, his fathers pictures and high school diploma (Philadelphia, 1853) and I, for the very first time ever, saw pictures of my g-g-grandmother, and g-g-g-grandmother. Mixed in there were pictures of Kays children from the 1920's, 30's and so on. My grandfathers baby book, from 1897-1899 was in there. Get this, there was a copy of Samuel Crocket and Maria Roth's Marriage Certificate...date? ...1702.... I looked at Samuel portrait in my house all the years I was growing up, it's like I KNOW the man. Uncle Reynolds US Navy commissions were signed...and in those days they were actually SIGNED...by Presidents.. McKinley, Taft and Wilson. OK, President Wilson might not have signed the commissions as Rear Admiral, but McKinley signed the first commissions, I got out a magnifying glass and yup, that's his signature. I checked it online.

That's right, on Sunday I handled documents actually SIGNED by President McKinley.

These things are unbelievable treasures, and Jean answered dozens of questions during the afternoon...."who's this?" being the most usual one. *Very* interesting to me was that in a photo album of old pictures....and we're talking 1850's here, there were several pictures of a "Lindsay" family. Could it be possible that one of my earlier ancestors married Lindsays? Perhaps I have a vague, vague by-marriage connection to the Lindsays! YAY....just another excuse to wear their gorgeous tartan.

Do you have a relative like Jean in your family? Jean is getting on in years and has emphysema, but her mind is 100%, and she's a treasure. If you have a Jean I heartily recommend that you spent a pile of time with that person and ask questions, because they are a gold mine of memories, and when they're gone, they're GONE. Get out the pictures, dig up the old keepsakes, and ASK QUESTIONS.

Alan

[Panache]

Alan,

Remembering the good and forgiving the bad is a very positive thing for all families to keep in mind.

There are so many relatives that we only think about come the holiday season, your post is a reminder to more than just send out a card.

Cheers

Jamie

[arrg-isle]

If you have a Jean I heartily recommend that you spent a pile of time with that person and ask questions, because they are a gold mine of memories, and when they're gone, they're GONE. Get out the pictures, dig up the old keepsakes, and ASK QUESTIONS.

Alan

Hear, hear, Alan!
You're spot on with this; growing up, I alway felt I'd have plenty of time to talk-up "the olden days" with my parents, but kidney failure & a sudden brain tumor took them from me before I was 28, and with the elder branches of the "trees" behind them long gone, many questions went forever unanswered, many vital things unshared.
So YES, call, talk, ask, make the time!
Find those old photos, track 'em down, share them, make copies and take more! On the topic of photos, don't just limit them to the elders, either; as I've mentioned elsewhere, my beloved daughter departed us this summer @ 25, and among our many profound regrets is that we had let her "escape" most of the family photos in the past year or so; even if you have relatives who are "camera shy", impress on them your legitimate desire for pictures as part of the living record of the people you hold dear . . if you need to, be a pest, even!

[Bill]

Hi Alan

It's good to hear that ou've gained such insight and valuable information. What you say is what I've been telling folks for some time. One addition I'd make is get a recording of jean telling the family stories she knows and preserve them first hand.

I envy you for your good fortune we lost an entire generation before I took up geneology and yes I have many treasured keepsakes but very very few stories.

So everybody mine your kin for all the stories you can get out of them.

Bill

[Arlen]

My relative like this is now my Dad's wee sister, Anne. She's the keeper of all the old family pictures and the like and knows all the stories and all the extended family.
It was, however, my Great Auntie Flossie. She died just this year and she is sorely missed. She lived to her late nineties and never lost her charm, wit or wonderful stories.

Here are a few pictures of her, including one of her with my Granda and my Great Uncle John when they were wee. (My Granda is the older boy.)









Alan, I am so glad you decided to spend time with her.

[Pleater]

My mother never reached 50 - it is not just the old ones you need to ask questions.

Also, when you find out who is in a photo take a soft pencil and either write on the back of it or against it in the album, or make a note separately and put a tiny number against the photo if someone is likely to take offence and an eraser to the information.

If possible use a scanner to make copies of all photos, along with the information of who it is, because things can easily go missing.

There were some old photos of my father's family but when my younger sister got hold of them she did not know who they were, so she threw them away.

In my brother in law's family there was an old family bible with details of many generations of an extended family back to the 1600s, but an aunt 'borrowed' it, refused to return it and when she died it just vanished along with all the information.

Such memories and mementos are so easily lost.

Anne the Pleater